The best part about being single is the freedom to do whatever you damn well please, and sometimes something as simple as letting all the hair on your body grow without prudence can be quite fulfilling. Howev
er, in order for a guy to move to the top of the single’s pyramid, remaining high in demand while retaining his single status, or to move towards the love of a good woman and a committed relationship full of proper grooming, he might first need to adjust his grizzly exterior in order to win over some lonely hearts. You don’t have to look as great as Gatsby, but when it comes to your hair, have a shred of respect for yourself, old sport.
Your Head of Hair
People say that it’s only hair, but everybody knows that with one bad haircut you can become the butt of every “Dawson’s Creek” joke for the rest of your days. From one guy to another, it doesn’t matter how long or short it is; your hair is your hair, but it should be kept up regardless of its magnitude.
Even guys with long hair should get their ends snipped. Otherwise, it’ll quit growing eventually or become matted like a hobo who left his shampoo in the public restroom two towns over. Hell, even dreadlocks take an extreme amount of upkeep. Just because you look like George doesn’t mean you can actually live a jungle life; know what I mean?
You may be thinking, “Who are you to tell me how to do my hair?” but depending on your job field, hair can be a deal-breaker. If you work from home, cranking out freelance work and living without pants most of the time, there’s a bit more freedom to be a hippie recluse who only washes up every three days, but don’t be shocked when you’re not fighting girls off with a sledge hammer. A doctor or lawyer or someone who relies on having clients and patrons is another story. It’s always good practice to be presentable and not stand out for the wrong reasons, or else no one will trust you, your word or your greasy handshake, thus your success may be very limited.
And then there’s your biggest critic of all, the ladies. To them, hair is everything. You might say that girls who don’t like how you look can screw off, but that might be a group more buxom than you’re willing to part with. If you honestly don’t care what people think, good for you, but no rash action goes without consequence in the real world. Women will always admire a good head of hair; know that.
The people who work in hair salons are generally well versed in the field, aware of the trends and more than likely know a hell of a lot better than you do when it comes to your style and grooming. You may think you’re on the right track, but to challenge that, go in (at least) every couple months and see what they think. The moral is to go with your gut, but you should always strive to be on your game. If you think you look like a pedophile or your hairstyle isn’t quite complete due to your rapid aging, either find some creams to fix it or accept the process of growing old and get a haircut that doesn’t make you look ridiculous. If you’re a regular George Costanza, don’t think that buying a rug will get you back into your twenties, either. People can spot a wig from a hundred yards away. Just accept who you are, make the best of it, and be happy. Or wear a hat — a really big one.
Beards
When it comes to beards and body hair, the key word is “moderation.” You don’t have to become a hairless pet to some girl you hardly like just to keep her attention, but you also shouldn’t look like an Ewok when you wear a hooded sweatshirt to the movies.
As long as these hairs fall somewhere within the parameters of the different beard trimmer extensions, you should be fine. Just don’t try to get too clever and draw unnecessary attention to yourself (Related: This is What Happens When You Send Us an Electric Razor in the Mail). For instance, there’s no excuse for a Hitler mustache unless you’re Michael Jordan and can get away with it, and we’ve even endured that suffering long enough. The same goes with handlebar mustaches, which are solely for entry-level motorcyclists and out-of-work reality stars. Unless it’s for a worthy short-term joke, a Halloween costume or a good cause like Movember, don’t let one patch of hair quickly categorize you as a douche.
Short and Curlies
Lord knows what type of graphic the editors will include here, but the overall point is that, as a single guy, you can let those hard-to-reach areas go a little when there’s no regular sex or monogamous r
elationship involved. This may be in contrast to the finely trimmed beauties of the overly-committed guys who watched too many soft-core films as an adolescent.
Let’s put it this way: You’re body is your own wonderland, so do with it what you will, but if you think girls appreciate a forest more than a few trees, why don’t you try dating some razor-free women and see how you enjoy getting tangled up in her knots. Find a happy medium and stick with it, which shouldn’t be an issue more than once a month. You spend enough time with your head up your ass that you can afford a moment of trim time. There’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, women appreciate it. Just use a trimmer and BE CAREFUL. Also, don’t use a razor because 1) that’s just wrong, and 2) it’s not worth the potential catastrophe that all razors bring to the bathroom, especially when you’re working down there.
Legs
Don’t shave your legs unless you’re an Olympic swimmer or cyclist. Even then it’s questionable. You’re a man; be proud of what you have, but don’t be afraid to cover up your gorilla-like qualities either. Women are typically petrified of wild animals, but of course, there are always a few wild ones of them, too.
