Fans of Euphoria will tell you that it’s the most triggering show on television depicting the Gen Z high school experience. It’s also the most unrealistic. Obviously, this isn’t because the storyline is unbelievable, because it is if these kids were actually 25 and living on their own. The reality is, most parents aren’t cool enough to let their kids dress like video vixens from ’90s rap videos or let their kids have a casual cocktail with them (we’re looking at you, Marsha and Cal).
However, as we’ve come to realize these characters are flawed extreme versions of the people we knew in high school. Nerdy, quiet, theater chicks, unsuspecting junkies, and big titted girls who fuck their BFFs (ex)boyfriends, we’re looking at you. The next-levelness of the Euphoria high school experience lends itself to the obsession. Are teen girls really like this? Sure, a few, but speaking from experience, not the vast majority. Because the kids of Euphoria exist in a world where reality is on steroids and today I am your sherpa between their world and ours.
Cover Photo: Courtesy Of HBO
Euphoria High School vs My High School Experience
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Drinking For The Kids Of Euphoria High
Certainly, nobody on Earth accesses booze easier than the kids of Euphoria High. Hell, Cassie's mom supplies the alcohol at Maddie's barf-a-thon birthday party, and Nate drinks with both his parents like he's 35 and has a family of his own.
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Drinking For Me
In my experience, parents weren't hooking me up with alcohol. That is to say, if I wanted to get drunk, I had to sneak (or steal) alcohol.
Occasionally, booze was supplied by a creepy dude who bought expressed intent of being creepy. Either way, teen drinking ALWAYS ended the same... projectile vomiting.
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Friends For The Kids Of Euphoria High
At Euphoria High friendship is a competitive sport where you're both the villain and the hero. Like if Harvey Dent had tits and those tits had a friend group you'd never want to belong to because... toxicity.
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Friends For Me
I didn't have a hugely competitive group of friends that secretly hated each other. I had a small group of friends who actually supported one another, which was nice but extremely boring by comparison.
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Sex For The Kids Of Euphoria High
Perhaps it's the parlance of our times, but the ol' "If you have sex you'll die," message was lost on these kids. They're having sex with each other, in public, at parties, via Only Fans, behind each other's backs, and even with each other's dads.
Sexually, nothing is off-limits for these characters, except, emotionally healthy relationships between two consenting "adults." But they're not adults so gratuitous sex meltdowns at school is obvs the norm.
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Sex For Me
Fin.
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Style For The Kids Of Euphoria High
Riddle me this... how is Euphoria High the only school on Earth with a progressive dress code for young girls. Because these chicks straight up dress like they raided a sex shop.
And they don't leave their houses dressed modestly and then change. They proudly wear their spandex onesies, full cameltoe, and their parents are like, "Okily dokily. Be good."
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Style For Me
I went to Catholic High School and the one time I tried to be different I wore thigh-high stockings and an 84-year-old nun made me roll them down to my ankles like I was also 84. Enough said.
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Drugs For The Kids Of Euphoria High
Drink it, smoke it, snort it, shoot it. If you've got drugs these kids will do it.
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Drugs For Me
Shockingly, I didn't have a drug dealer in high school. What I did have was a friend whose dad stored his weed in his sock drawer, which became my defacto "dealer."
