The hallmark of a fancy party is some kind of crazy food fountain. However, you don’t want to be the one guy there who’s like, “I’ve never seen one of those before,” while all the 1 percenters roll their eyes because they’re a bunch of diiiiiiicks. Here’s a guide to some of the delicious, though certainly not nutritious fountains out there:
Barbecue Sauce Fountain
If we’re at a party, and they have this thing, you’ll know where to find me. [via]
Punch Fountain
Doubles as a “blood fountain” for Halloween parties. [via]
Chocolate Fountain
Classier than the Chocolate Hose they have at Friendly’s. [via]
Strawberry Fountain
What better way to say “I love you” than with the gift of a fountain? [via]
Cheese Fountain
This is ‘nacho’ average fountain. *Ba dum bum* [via]
Ketchup Fountain
You can only find this in Ronald’s McMansion. [via]
Cider Fountain
They tried making an apple sauce fountain, but the results were disastrous. [via]
Sweet Chili Garlic Sauce Fountain
Sure, that’s a thing. [via]
Ranch Fountain
Grab a straw and get super fat, everybody! [via]
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator, “The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans,” in comic book stores across the country. Header via.
