You just love music … and so do your buddies! So it makes perfect sense to think up the worst possible band name on the planet, convince a local bartender to allow you to play your first gig and behold – Nuke Baby Whales (For Jesus) is born. Congrats! Unfortunately, brother, we’ve got some bad news for you; it’s inevitable you’re on your way to becoming a certifiable douche. Unless you follow a few simple rules, ignored by the majority of working musicians. Let’s spell ’em out for you.
DON’T
* Don’t wear your own band’s T-shirt. Sure, the mushroom-in-the-shape-of-a-cross-coming-out-of-a-cartoon-whale’s-blowhole is a clever design, and you need to self-promote, but not like this. Have some respect.
* Don’t throw your tracks down at parties. Unless you really hate being invited to parties.
* Don’t talk about how you struggle for your art. Sure, it’s hard to be a working musician. But your non-musician frans (friends + fans) think it’s a lot harder having a real job.
* Don’t request a ridiculous rider, or trash the place you’ve been invited to play or stay. Promoters actually talk to each other, and it’s a surefire way to blacklist NBW(FJ).
* Don’t play too loud. There’s one guy in every band who refuses to match his levels, and you don’t want that guy to be you. How do you get your guitarist to play quieter? Put sheet music in front of him. And how do you get him to stop playing entirely? Put notes on the sheet music.
DO
* Show up on time for every rehearsal, load-in and gig. No one else cares why you were late, or what you were doing with which groupie, while they were waiting for you to grace them with your presence.
* Show up sober. NBW(FJ) is a great excuse to party, but do so during and after the show rather than before.
* Pitch in. Everybody loves the guy that sets up the merch display (and gets his girlfriend to volunteer to work it, while encouraging frans to sign up to the email list) and helps his band mates schlepp their equipment – not just his own.
* Practice solo. Sure, rehearsals are the perfect time to nail it as a group and shoot around new ideas. But if you show up to those rehearsals polished, and with a few ideas of your own, your band will improve at an accelerated pace.
* Play the peacekeeper. The more NBW(FJ) plays, the more time you’ll be spending with the other members of your band; don’t get into petty arguments or sweat the small stuff.
