Mystery And Romance Of Rock 'N Roll Is Dead And Buried

Photo: Evening Standard/Getty Images

Rock ‘n roll may not be dead (close), but the romance of it sure as hell is, thanks to modern technology.

Not that long ago, kids would daydream their schoolday away wondering what their music idols were up to. Were they taking chain-smoking cigarettes around a musty studio, conjuring up inspired riffs and God-given solos of potentially the greatest songs ever to be heard? Now, instead of wondering what Keith Richards is up to, we can just look on Twitter and know instantly, removing any mystery, effort or anticipation.

The imploding record industry and exploding tech industry combined to force artists, even the mighty ones, to pander to their audiences in order to keep them afloat. Big-name bands have their hefty mortgages to pay off, and to do so, must sell more tickets while album sales continue to become more and more of a joke. Meanwhile, Joe-Blow down the street, who now exists in multitudes, markets his pots-and-pans garage band on the same level as these monumental men (and women), thanks to social media and the unlimited tools at our fingertips.

At least we have these guys: Ranking the 10 Best Live Drum Solos Recorded in Rock History

Rock ‘n roll was never just about the music. It was iconic, looped in with fashion and lifestyle. But social media and its connectivity (better yet, dis-connectivity) has been the death of the rock star, the murder of music lifestyle and the beast of burden to the term “sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll.”

Check out some of our favorite examples, including public apologies amongst bandmates, political agenda waterboarding, over-the-hill bands pandering enough that they’ll let fans choose their setlists and Mick Jagger glamping like a real badass. Talk about communication breakdown.

Rock Is Dead

Softy Posts From Hard Asses

Photo: Instagram

There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing one of the oldest and most defining rock stars of your youth showing photos of himself glamping. The only way it could be worse is if it were an Instagram story where he takes a video selfie of himself dancing whilst glamping to "Dancing in the Streets."
Retweet? Delete!

Screengrab: Twitter

Nothing more candy ass than a grown man who wears ass-less leather chaps and makeup on occasion that retweets another grown up. It may be the state of technology, but a rock star of this magnitude should know better. Who's doing their PR?
Mood Status Update

Screengrab: Twitter

Even Ozzy Osbourne can't make his "vibes" with a #throwbackthursday look cool. Why would anybody else bother to try? Of course, photos are about the only way he can express himself now, considering nobody can understand the man.
Public Apologies About Your Private Apologies

Screengrab: Twitter

Public apologies for the norm in a time when everyone is offended. Not only does the most badass living guitarist have to apologize to his bandmate, but he has to let the world know he did it.
Endless Apologies

Screengrab: Twitter

More with the apologies. These guys are brothers; they're supposed to hate one another, especially publicly. If they got along, it would be so boring.
Verbal Ass Kissing

Screengrab: Twitter

Social media is the perfect way to spot a passing rock star. It's also a great way to hump their leg from a distance without things getting (too) awkward. Oh, it's awkward, Harry!
Political Vomit

Screengrab: Twitter

When artists can use their pedestal for social movement and change, that's great. When you're an artist who only talks about politics and shoves it down everyone's throat instead of making music, but still expect people to buy tickets to the show, that's just rude.
Kicking a Dead Horse

Photo: via NPR

Even two years after his death, people are still running Prince's name into the ground for the amount of drugs he had in his system. It's Prince. Of course he had drugs in his system. Why does that matter? He's gone. Put on Purple Rain and shut up.
F Your Birthday

Screengrab: Twitter

Nobody cares about your birthdays, especially if you're the bassist. And even more especially if you're in U2.
...Now That's More Like It

Screengrab: Twitter

Now that's more like it, but maybe if we banned these guys from social media, or at least from tweeting, that would help revive the romance of rock 'n roll. At least until they find a better word than "tweeting," am I right?