What an insanely topsy turvy year 2019 has been. Could anyone have predicted the tragic invasion of penis fish or the addition of the word Fatberg to Webster’s dictionary? How about the burning of Notre Dame or the second helping of Jesus at a Florida McDonald’s? Absolutely. And like a modern-day, coffee-sucking Nostradamus, we plan to predict 10 of the most important events of 2020 (with wild accuracy). Be sure to save this clipping in the shoebox of the internet and check back in 12 months to have your mind blown as we forecast the future in Mandatory predictions of 2020.
Photo: Ryan Kelly; Photographer (Getty Images)
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2020 Predictions
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Cats Learn to Use Computers
Cat porn suddenly becomes the most Googled topic of the year.
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'Brexit' Will Be Rebranded as 'Brentrance'
However, Parliament will stall any action on the matter for another three years, until the Queen points out that England is already living in a post-Brentrance world.
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Kanye West Starts His Own Religion
After he builds a mega church near Indio, California, the rapper drops a new album in the form of a wall calendar.
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America Elect Its First Jewish President
Paul Rudd's health care-for-all plan and New Green Deal turns heads.
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Ryan Lochte Gets Robbed at a Gas Station in Brazil
No one calls the police.
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A Baby Will Be Born In July
His name is Randy. In 20 years he will become a huge fan of the new Stranger Things reboot.
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Kim Kardashian Comes Out With a New Skinwear Line
Made of actual human skin. The brand's Baby Flesh logo raises red flags.
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Tom Cruise Makes Arrangements For a New Wife
She will be contractually obligated to smile beside him in pictures for no more than seven years.
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A New Social Media App Called 'Unicorn' Breaks All IPO Records
Contributing nothing relevant to society, Facebook purchases the company after four months.
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Donald Trump Gets 'Impeached'...
...tattooed under his third nipple, proving his use of symbolism is still the best.
