Humiliated Man Rushes to Clear History After Searching ‘Morbius’ Showtimes

Jared Leto’s performance in House of Gucci was so unforgettably bad that he actually won a Razzie for it. We’d say it was bad on the same level as anything Bruce Willis has crapped out in the last few years, but then we’d feel bad considering Bruce’s condition. Leto, on the other hand, can’t take comfort in any health conditions. So fans of the Spider-Man Universe were hoping to see Leto redeem himself in his portrayal of Doctor Morbius in Marvel’s Morbius. However, Leto might as well just be a vampiric version of his House of Gucci character.

Morbius boasts an abysmal 18 percent critic rating on Rotton Tomatoes, so it’s safe to say that more Razzies might be in Leto’s future. This explains why one Marvel fan is going to great lengths to scrub his search history of Morbius showtimes from his browser.

“I’ve been a huge fan of the Spider-Man films and was hoping for the best with Morbius,” the man told Mandatory. “But after reading some of these scathing reviews on Rotton Tomatoes, I’m so ashamed that I looked up showtimes for Morbius.”

So Morbius was totally devoid of structure and lacked a coherent script, as well as any type of editing. But was it so bad that one has to hire a professional web reputation firm to scrub any search of Morbius from their browser history? Well, that seems to be the case for this one Marvel fan.

“My life is as existentially empty and purposeless as Morbius,” said the Marvel fan, who prides his entire existence on Marvel films. “God forbid my girlfriend ever discovers I was trying to see this film when she checks my phone’s web history. I’d prefer she found all those pics of furries than stumble on this.”

The marvel fan said he’s willing to pay anything to ensure nobody ever discovers he was trying to see Morbius. But for those of us who wasted almost two hours of our lives in the theater watching it, we have to ask: haven’t we paid enough?

Cover Photo: OSCAR DEL POZO / Contributor