Fail. Big, bright, 50,000 jigawatt neon explosions of F-A-I-L. Super Sunday hit like the devastatingly lopsided beating that it was, and with the game itself lacking, fans were looking to the Super Bowl halftime show with high hopes. Hell, with a history of superstar performers like Beyoncé, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, Madonna and Prince, it was all but guaranteed that we’d be blown away by theatrics and spectacularity in performance.
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Not this year. Instead, we got a children’s choir and drum solo that lasted three hours by a guy the general public barely knows from his handful of radio poppers. The scrawny hypertalented dude who milks Elvis and James Brown like nobody’s business wasted everybody’s time with a painfully average drum piece to open his performance medley of “hits” – supplemented, of course, by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Except this wasn’t the 2014 Red Hot Chili Peppers, but rather what looked like Iggy Pop doing an impression of Anthony Kiedis at 28 years old as they played, of all things, their two-decade-old breakthrough hit “Give It Away”. And Flea’s bass wasn’t plugged in to anything at all. He seems to have literally faked it.
Seriously.
Look. Bruno’s got chops. Dude’s been nominated for 18 Grammy awards, and won two. But “Locked Out of Heaven” is hardly anthemic, and the gold-suit combo onstage backed by a jumbo band of brass, backup singers and bass just smacked of tired retro gimmickry. Coupled with an entirely safe song by the Chilis, which was followed by a forced-downshift sentimental-soldier moment that should’ve been a standalone tribute, this show was an odd gamble by the show producers. See for yourself below:
Photo: Elsa/Getty Images
Super Bowl 2014 Halftime Show: Bruno Mars and Red Hot Chili Peppers
Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Super Bowl 48 halftime show at MetLife stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey, on February 2, 2014. AFP PHOTO/Timothy CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Super Bowl 48 halftime show at MetLife stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey, on February 2, 2014. AFP PHOTO/Timothy CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Theo Wargo/FilmMagic)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform during the Super Bowl 48 halftime show at MetLife stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey, on February 2, 2014. AFP PHOTO/Timothy CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars, Anthony Kiedis and Josh Klinghoffer perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Flea, Chad Smith, Anthony Kiedis and Josh Klinghoffer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Theo Wargo/FilmMagic)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Flea, Chad Smith, Anthony Kiedis and Josh Klinghoffer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Theo Wargo/FilmMagic)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Bruno Mars (L) and Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII Halftime Show at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
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Super Bowl 2014: Bruno Mars Halftime Show
Fireworks light up MetLife Stadium at the end of the halftime show of Super Bowl XLVIII between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. The Seahawks won 43-8. The view is seen from a Customs and Border Protection helicopter operated by the U.S. Office of Air and Marine, which provided air support for law enforcement on the ground around the stadium. (Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)
