If you live in Australia and are wondering why you’ve broken out in some mysterious new rash and have a constant looming sense of discomfort, it’s ok, we’re all feeling it because Justin Bieber is in the country for a surprise visit to Hillsong Church’s mega-conference dealio.
Because he’s for sure here because he’s found Jesus and not due to Hillsong almost definitely throwing him bushels of cash-moneys in a desperate attempt to sex up Church (not that they need to, have you seen the picture of the J-dog all ripped and beardy on the cross? Can get it) we thought we’d draw old mate Biebs’ attention to some verses that would help him reflect on his many, many, many past sins.
1. Deuteronomy 21:18-21
“If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.”
A stubborn, rebellious drunkard? TAKE HIM TO THE GATE!
2. Luke 1:44
“For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.”
Sin: This song.
3. Deuteronomy 22:6-7
“If you come across a bird’s nest in any tree or on the ground, with young ones or eggs and the mother sitting on the young or on the eggs, you shall not take the mother with the young. You shall let the mother go, but the young you may take for yourself, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long.”
Remember when you were sued for egging a house? Apparently God’s cool with that one.
4. Mark 14: 51-52
“A certain young man was following him wearing nothing but a linen cloth. They caught hold of him.”
Sin: Being a douche on Instagram
5. Proverbs 29: 3
“He who loves wisdom makes his father glad, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.”
Wealth: Squandered.
6. Ephesians 5:4
“Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”
Swear jar Biebs.
7. Leviticus 19:28
“You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord.”
“But its a cross cuz im heaps religious u guys”
8. Psalm 31:6
“I hate those who are devoted to worthless idols, but I trust in the LORD.”
As worthless idols go, you can’t get much more worthless than this guy.
9. Mitchell 4: 20
“He who pisses into a restaurant mop bucket, shall rightfully be considered the ultimate d-bag”
MAY have made that verse up.
Happy Hillsong conference Biebs! May god be with you, or whatever. Xo
