There are a few certainties in life that are indisputable. Like how life is easier for good-looking people, CBD can fix anything, and people who bring up Mercury retrograde are annoying as hell. Seriously, these are oftentimes the same people who try to show you PETA videos at barbecues while setting their crystals to be powered up by the moon. These metaphysical morons live in a land of pseudoscience and must be stopped. Until that happens, here’s a heads-up on how to avoid these people by breaking them down via GIFs.
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So, which of these characteristics do your annoyingly mystic friends exhibit? Let us know in the comments!
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Mercury retrograde personality traits
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The Pretentious
The kind of person who will blame a communication error on the stars will also tell you their beard anchors their look. Do not fall for this trash.
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Fortune Telling
This person will stop a conversation to check their tarot cards for an answer like the only logical answer isn't "fuck, no."
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Debbie Downer
It wouldn't matter if Mercury was conjunct Uranus, these people would find a reason to complain about their shitty life.
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Negative Vibes
Get fired. Lose your wallet. Crash your car. Before you can finish your sentence, these people will tell you to sage your space to rid yourself of...negative vibes. Like sage is a good substitute for searching for a better job or getting a good attorney.
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Au Naturel
We're not saying they stink, but natural deodorants do not work.
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Tech Deficient
If you're at work and someone blames Mercury retrograde for a computer fail, they're to blame. Every. Time.
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What's Your Sign
If you make the mistake of telling them your birthday, you will get a PowerPoint presentation of why you're a perfect match.
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Usually The Hot Girl
The reason astrology perseveres is because it's often broadcast by attractive women. Since you pretend to be interested in what they have to say, you perpetuate the cycle. Say it with us: "Mercury retrograde isn't real."
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The Entitled
The cacophony of a thousand hipsters saying, "It's not my problem but..."
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Master Of Wokeness
They might not even be able to define the word "woke," but they will use it a lot before and after commenting that your harsh vibes are killing them.
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Aggressively Agreeable
Also known as the people who jump on any bandwagon with the hopes that no one notices they're doing it for attention.
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Look Harder
Because two eyes to see through their bullshit simply isn't enough.*Cough.* Mercury Retrograde isn't real. *Cough.*
