By Creepy Office Guy
This April Fool’s Day, why not cause some mischief in your workplace? After all, this is the one day of the year that you can act like a total dick and get away with it (not counting your birthday). To help you on your way, we’ve compiled a list of five of our favorite office pranks that you can do today!
Don’t be a pussy, be the aggressor! Remember: office babes dig men of action, not chumps that wait around to be the butt of the joke.
If you work in some kind of disco office in which the computer mice still have trackballs, one fun prank you can do is to remove said trackballs from the aforementioned disco mice. If you live and work outside of Bumf**k, the Midwest, then your mice probably have optical sensors. These too can be disabled, simply by placing a small piece of scotch tape over the sensor. Sit back and laugh while your victim smashes their mouse to bits because it won’t respond to their commands! For extra laffs, take the mice from two computers that are situated very close together and swap the plugs. Now they’re controlling each other’s computers instead of their own! Two for one!
The mice, you are required to switch them.
Messing with your workmate’s keyboard can also be fun! Just show up before them and pluck out some of the keys. You can be as subtle as to switch only a few, leaving your target baffled as to why they keep making spelling errors, or as obvious as spelling out “pwned” or some other such computer nerd speak right smack in the middle of their board. I myself would err on the side of subtlety, but you’re probably a mongoloid that thinks spelling the word “douche” in the middle of the keyboard is the height of comedy. However, I’m not here to judge, only to inform, so do what you must!
Bonus prank: 1. Take hammer. 2. Smash computer. 3. ??? 4. LULZ!
A somewhat complicated but funny prank for PCs is the “Shutdown Prank”. Follow these steps to make your patsy shut their whole goddamn computer down every time they try and log on to the Internet. First, right click on the desktop, and select “New” and then “shortcut”. Write the following command exactly as it appears: shutdown –s –t 0. Click next. Name it whatever you want, you’re just going to rename it later. Right click on the new shortcut you’ve made, select “Properties”, then “change icon”. Click “Ok”. Choose the icon for Internet Explorer or whatever web browser your mark will be using. Change the name to “Launch Internet Explorer” or whatever the original IE icon says, and then throw the original icon in the trash. Now whenever someone clicks on Internet Explorer, they’re actually telling their computer to shut down! What an idiot!
To “RickRoll” someone is to send a link via AIM or email that intentionally redirects your prey to an endlessly repeating video of 80s pop star Rick Astley’s one hit song, “Never Gonna Give You Up”. When the recipient attempts to close the window, it will move away from their cursor, resulting in many lulz and forcing them to force quit their internet application, if they can stop freaking out long enough to even think of doing that. If you work in a slightly more liberal office (i.e. one that won’t call you up on sexual harassment charges), Meatspin is another good one to use. If you haven’t seen Meatspin, I won’t ruin the surprise. But suffice to say, your quarry will never feel the same way about Dead or Alive’s song “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) ever again.
CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION!
Links for Rick Roll (Careful! Don’t click on these yourself! Handle with caution!):
http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/
Links for Meatspin (Careful! Don’t click on these yourself! Handle with caution!):
(This one is a bit more elaborate; your target must enter their phone number and attempt to trace their location via satellite)
CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION!
If you really want to mess someone up, wait until they’ve left for lunch or to take a dump or whatever. If their computer is unlocked, you’re in business. First, change their background image to something nasty like Goatse or Lemon Party.
Next, change the homepage for their web browser to Meatspin or the Pain Olympics or something equally horrific.
Hardcore porno also works well for this. Make sure that the volume is all the way up! If your stooge is a Mac user, you should go to “System Preferences”, then “Speech”.
Here you can program the computer to say “I’m a fag” or something correspondingly offensive every time they touch the Apple key or the shift key. Next, take a screen cap of the desktop with all of the icons visible. Now take all of the icons and hide them in a folder on the hard drive that says “Sucker!” or something like that. Make the screen cap the default background, and disable all the pop up icon windows in the preferences.
Your victim will see all of their icons but won’t be able to click on them because they’re not really there! Honestly, the fun just keeps coming with this one, but I must warn you, the person at the receiving end of this prank will be gunning for you now. Your best bet is to hope that they get fired for having all that NSFW shit on their computer so they’re out of your hair, amirite?
If you don’t work in an office, then most of these pranks might not work as well for you. In the case of this eventuality, my advice to you would be to:
- A. Go back to school.
- B. Get a job in an office.
- C. ????
- D. Profit!
