Vladimir Putin is one of the biggest baddies on the planet. The Russian dictator has been in power longer than any other leader in the country’s history since Joseph Stalin. His latest misdeed is a doozy — invading Ukraine. Why did he do it? Who the hell knows. Dude had a bad day and decided that playing with his war toys would make him feel better?
The better question is: how does he get away with this shit? Well, we took a deep dive into his modus operandi and came up with this super-duper helpful guide to being a good leader that everyone respects. Good luck out there, all you aspiring conquerors.
Cover Photo: ALEXEY NIKOLSKY / Contributor (Getty Images)
putin guide
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Be your own boss...and predecessor and successor.
It’s called job security.
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Use the most up-to-date and efficient strategies circa 1945.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
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Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Especially if they’re stupid.
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Be the biggest bully on the political playground.
How else are you going to compensate for being so short?
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Invade countries weaker than your own.
That’ll show ‘em!
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Control the narrative.
By which we mean: silence the press. You know, like in a barrel of lye.
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Meddle in every election imaginable.
What is a vote, really, but just a silly piece of paper?
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Never, ever let them see you smile.
Scowls are the only way to be taken seriously.
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Chuckle at your critics.
There’s nothing more terrifying than a dictator’s laugh.
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Give the ladies a little eye candy.
Nothing like a shirtless pic for morale.
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Keep your private life private.
Bastard children included.
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Don’t take a day off. Ever.
No rest for the wicked!
