How To: Be a Gigolo

1. First, look sharp. No lady will pay for a gigolo who wears plaid, unless it’s a Speedo.
2. Remember it’s all about her. Her pleasure is your BUSINE$$.
3. Be upfront and let them know that you are a Man-Whore and ready for romantic action.
4. Smell good. Try dousing your body and clothing with the fine scent of Old Spice.
5. Ladies love the Gold, the more the better. Chains, rings and necklaces are all good.
6. If your hair does not always look wet, something is very wrong.
7. Clothing should be worn tightly, to show the ladies what they are paying for.
8. Uni-brows are so very euro-chic, bold and stylish.
9. Trucker hats go with absolutely everything.
10. Breath is important, try to brush your teeth at least once a week.

To be a proper Gigolo you must know where to find women. Here are some good spots.

The parking lot of Rally’s on Central and 3rd. – After a hearty meal a lady will be craving some dessert and that’s where you come in.
The lobby at any of the fine Motel 6 locations – A lady who is saving money on her hotel has more to spend on some good old man-whoring.
Bus stops, Subways and train stations are perfect places to meet a woman on the go.
To find a worldly woman, try an airline lounge where you can offer her a tasty pretzel.
The meat section of the supermarket is a good place to look for a Desperate Housewife.

A good gigolo knows how to please a woman. Here are some areas of interest.

A worldly man should know his wine. Any wine from Arbor Mist or Wild Vines should do.
You should know about art, try checking out your local shopping mall for examples.
Knowing the world and being well traveled is a plus, Greyhound is a good place to start.
A well read man is an interesting man. Try a subscription to Readers Digest or People.
Be a well dressed man. Try picking some clothes from the International Male catalog.

If you can do all of these things, then you too can be a professional man of leisure like my protege, Deuce Bigalow, the European Gigolo.

Sincerely, T.J. Hicks