Are you a die hard hockey fan? We didn’t think so either. In fact, no one really is. The people that watch hockey do it mostly out of tradition and fear that if they don’t their dad will think they’re gay.
It’s happened a million times.
But, to enjoy a sport it’s important to understand where it comes from. That’s why we here at CRAVE have composed a vivd historical timeline of Hockey for your viewing pleasure.
Take a look!
1873 – The rules of ice hockey are devised by James Creighton based on his own experiences with chasing things on slippery surfaces.
1875 – The first officiated game of hockey is played in Victoria, Canada. With no pads, three testicles were crushed in slap-shot accidents.
1877 – McGill University forms the first ever-organized team. With no one to play against, McGill sweeps the playoffs and retains the championship.
1893 – The first ever Stanley Cup games are played. Named after Hockey legend and KISS guitarist, Paul Stanley.
1897 – Hockey makes it way to Europe where it gains steam as an adorable, fun filled way to lose one’s teeth.
1905 – The Brussels hockey team beats Belgium with the help of “The Muscles from Brussels” Jean Claude Van Damme.
1910 – Great Britain is the first team to win the international hockey championship. As part of the win, Britain gets control of Portugal.
1914 – “Canadian Rules” become the standard for all hockey play. This means all players must apologize for tracking ice into the penalty box.
1917 – The National Hockey League is made up for 4 teams: The Montreal Canadiens, Toronto Arenas, Ottawa Senators, and the Kitchner Nancy Boys.
1920 – Hockey makes its debut at the 1920 Summer Olympics in Belgium. It’s switched the winter games after five players drown.
1939-1945 – Nothing good happens in hockey because… Well, everyone was a little busy.
1946 – Hockey is divided up into three 20-minute periods, as opposed to the old way of just going until someone died of exhaustion.
1948 – Canada wins its fifth Olympic gold. Egypt sets its sights to take them down.
1952 – Canada wins its sixth Olympic gold. Devastated, Egypt never plays the game again.
1954 – The Russians discover the game and continue to beat the sh*t out of everyone for the next thirty years.
1957 – At 50,000 people, the largest hockey crowd ever-assembled watches the Russians beat and then publically execute Team Sweden.
1960 – Hockey finally reaches the United States. Boston rejoices by having something fun to do in between football and baseball season.
1963 – JFK vows to put a hockey game on the moon by the end of the decade.
1969 – In order to gain spectators, it is now legal to stab someone during game play.
1970 – Canada leaves international Hockey, takes its puck and goes home, after having been mocked by Sweden.
1972 – Czechoslovakia wins a world championship declaring proudly, “See, we can do stuff too.”
1979 – The Soviet Union rapes the American NHL all-star team at Madison Square Garden.
1980 – A bunch of college kids beat the same Soviet team by swilling beer and blasting Dave Matthews Band.
1984 – Jim Carrey becomes to national spokesperson for Canada. Michael J. Fox is pissed.
1990 – After the Berlin Wall falls, many eastern bloc stars are drafted by the west. They are blown away to earn double their life-time earnings of $2.12 a game.
1991 – Wayne Gretzky becomes the only person anyone will ever associate with the sport again.
1995 – A black guy tries to play, hates it.
1998 – Minnesota does something worth mentioning.
2000 – The Phoenix Coyotes hockey team becomes the biggest sports oxymoron in history.
2001 – Present – Canada holds the hockey world hostage with nuclear weapons until we all agree that they’re “the best.”
CRAVE Online won the Stanley Cup in 1976 against the Boston Bruins.
