The automotive media world is filled with men who make the “first world problems” meme girl look like a battle-hardened survivor of a post-nuclear famine.
When I first got into this business some 10 years ago, I swore I’d never become the kind of guy who complains about having to eat at yet another Michelin-starred restaurant. Sadly, though, I’m failing at this. Some of the phrases to have recently left my mouth include “my private helicopter transport was too cramped,” “my 2013 Porsche had a flat tire, and now I’m stuck driving a 2012 for the day,” and most recently, “Mercedes-Benz just gave me a car, but it isn’t an AMG.”
Upon delivery, I immediately fired up my Macbook Pro and began to write a sternly worded missive to Mercedes-Benz – I believe it even included the phrase “do you know who I am?” – but I thankfully quickly came to my senses. The car may not have had that AMG badge, but it was still a top-of-the-line model: a 2013 E550 Coupe, to be precise. Maybe the company remembered who I was after all.
Kidding aside, this really was my first time in a non-AMG-badged Benz, and this E550 Coupe does a great job demonstrating there is more to a performance car than a high horsepower number.
So let’s get that number out of the way — 402.
There’s also 443 lb-ft of torque on tap, and producing all this power is a biturbo, 4.6-liter V8. For reference, that’s a bigger, more powerful motor than what is found in a Porsche 911 Carrera S. And thanks to the Benz’ high-tech 7-speed transmission, the Benz can run from zero to 60 in just 4.9 seconds – about half a second off the 911’s pace.
Power delivery in this car is something else – it’s a gentle swell that gets the car up to triple-digit speeds in the blink of an eye. Given how stable and quiet the car is at speed, breaking 100 mph is a little too easy to do. I unknowingly shattered the speed limit on more than one occasion. Thanks to the Benz’ massive binders, though, the car quickly scrubs speed and kept this writer from accumulating points on his license.
Outside of that very impressive engine, though, don’t expect much in the way of performance. Sure the car turns and stops when directed to do so, but it doesn’t do so with any sense of urgency. Unlike the AMG-tuned cars, which are tuned to shine on both canyon roads and racetracks, this standard E-Series coupe is “just” an Autobahn cruiser.
But there’s nothing wrong with that – again, this car handles triple-digit speeds with ease, and as far as cruisers are concerned, one could certainly do a lot worse than the E550 Coupe. Even without the AMG flare, the standard E550 Coupe is a muscular machine, confidently flaunting the creased edges and bulging flares that defines Mercedes’ current design language. The pinched greenhouse is more-than-reminiscent of the always-stylish CLS, giving the E a taut, athletic look.
There is a definite air of sophistication inside the E550 Coupe. The premium red leather seats of our tester are similar to those found across the AMG line and contrast nicely against the rest of the black and wood interior. In typical Mercedes fashion, there is a plethora of buttons scattered throughout the cabin, which makes standard tasks feel too complex at times. However the important points, such as the handsome gauges and COMAND multi-media system, are both pleasing to look at and intuitive to use.
As one who can now complain about pretty much anything, I can rattle off a few less-than-positive thoughts on the E550 Coupe. That pinched greenhouse does limit headroom up front, making things a bit tight for this six-foot driver. Guys who like to lean back and drive “gangsta” style may be able to adjust, but I kind of like being able to reach the controls. Also, that back seat is useless; headroom is non-existent, and despite me having the front seat “granny close,” so is rear legroom.
The last issue I had with the car is the price. It’s $70,000 as-tested MSRP may be a fair price for a car like this, but it’s a bit to far out of reach for one who lives on an auto scribe’s salary. Maybe I should ask Mercedes-Benz to just give me a car for free. I mean, after all, don’t they know who I am?
