Whether you’re a hardcore cinephile or a casual movie enthusiast, you’ve probably noticed that Hollywood is obsessed with remakes these days. Some of them are good, most of them are bad (just like most movies), but the fact that they exist at all pisses some of us off. These are the movies, after all, that we grew up with and helped form who we are. Some of them are simply nostalgia favorites (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), some of them are bona fide genre classics (Robocop), and some of them were more famous than they were actually popular (I Know What You Did Last Summer), but they were our movies. How DARE they?
Then again, younger audiences sometimes embrace these remakes. Some of them even end up seeing the remakes before they ever see the original, and form a closer emotional bond to the retread than the movie that was so popular it was worth remaking in the first place. These are the people who will defend Rob Zombie’s Halloween tooth and nail, or claim that Len Wiseman’s Total Recall is a perfectly decent sci-fi movie with some pretty clever ideas. The older generation sighs when we hear arguments like this. But here’s the thing… the remake machine isn’t going anywhere, and it’s only a matter of time before it happens to them.
Related: The Top 10 Action Movie Remakes
We’re reaching a turning point in the remakes trend, wherein Hollywood is running out of classic movies and will now be forced to remake movies from the 21st Century, which a new audience grew up with and cared about. It’s already happening to Underworld after all. And once the studios start looking for movies to remake from the last 10-15 years they’re going to discover that they don’t have nearly as much to work with, since they spent those years remaking everything from decades prior. They’re going to be forced to remake only the best of the best, and send the current generation of moviegoers into a tizzy as they bemoan the bastardization of the films they care about.
We here at CraveOnline are kind of fascinated about what’s going to happen in Hollywood in the next 15 years, as Hollywood begins to mine a new generation of classics and does to them exactly what they did to the movies 30-somethings grew up with, i.e. probably ruin them. The parallels are probably going to be pretty obvious, but in the interest of forward thinking we’ve compiled a list of films and properties we suspect Hollywood is going to revisit in the near-ish future, and how they’re going to screw it up if how they’ve treated the previous generation of movies is any indication.
Will the seemingly inevitable announcement that these films are going to be remade piss you off? Are there any other films from the current generation that would be sacrilege for studios to reimagine for a quick buck? Or will you just not give a damn? Let us know.
Slideshow: 15 Movies That Will Be Remade in 15 Years
William Bibbiani is the editor of CraveOnline’s Film Channel and the host of The B-Movies Podcast and The Blue Movies Podcast. Follow him on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
15 Movies That Will Be Remade in 15 Years
-
Inception
Christopher Nolan's critically acclaimed, mind-bending box office smash that impressed audiences worldwide with its broadly entertaining action sequences and highly intelligent sci-fi concepts? There's nothing sacred about that. Give it a decade-and-a-half and it'll be repackaged for broader audiences with more explosions, limp retreads of its most famous scenes and none of that pesky ambition.
It Already Happened: Total Recall
-
Insidious
James Wan's scary supernatural thriller that brought horror home to a sympathetic family gradually torn apart by malevolent specters who want the patriarch for their own malevolent ends? It'll get repackaged in whatever the "house style" will be in ten years at a horror distributor who doesn't care what made the original work in the first place.
It Already Happened: The Amityville Horror
-
Step Up
Anne Fletcher's financially successful romance with real world problems and beloved dance sequences? It's destined for a remake featured remixed or re-recorded songs from the original soundtrack, and for some reason a big-ass car chase in the middle just in case the audience gets bored.
It Already Happened: Footloose
-
District 9
Neill Blomkamp's bitter, ultra-violent and socially biting commentary about economic and social disparity, in which a cog in the corrupt machine is transformed against his will but refuses to be controlled any longer, using his newfound abilities to take a stand? That must have sucked. Hollywood's going to fix it right up with a PG-13 retread that gets the basic story right but tones down all the personality and intelligence and pointed violence that made it a hit in the first place.
It Already Happened: Robocop
-
Paranormal Activity
Oren Peli's terrifyingly subtle haunted house story, about an emotionally fragile heroine driven insane by a supernatural presence, featuring a cinematic style that horror movies would rip off for years to come? Surely the thing to do is turn it into a CGI-effects driven blockbuster wannabe with an all-star cast, and explain away all the ambiguity that made it creepy in the first place.
It Already Happened: The Haunting
-
Coraline
Henry Selick's beloved animated film about a child who falls prey to the obsessive machinations of a powerful witch? Why let that languish in mere animation? In 15 years it'll be a live-action melodrama about The Other Mother's traumatic childhood with emotionally devastating scenes that are completely inappropriate for all the children in the target audience, and it will claim that the heroine's real parents were the real monsters all along.
It Already Happened: Maleficent
-
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
The childhood fixation of millions, acclaimed for its positive values and catchy songs, a licensing bonanza wrapped in an TV series that adults probably enjoy best while high? The problem with that is it's not a combination of live-action and crappy CGI animation, and that it's not being exploited for endless, pointless product placement. Hollywood will get around to it eventually.
It Already Happened: The Smurfs
-
The Expendables
Sylvester Stallone's all-star lineup successfully overshadows a generic plotline that exists only to give the big stars tons of scenes together and scratch the audience's itch to see everyone they love on-screen? It doesn't matter what they do, and it doesn't matter who they are. In 15 years Hollywood will get around to exploiting the brand name again with a new cast of superstars, and probably a director to match, even though he'll clearly be slumming it.
It Already Happened: Ocean's 11
-
Twilight
An enormously financial successful tale of grossly unhealthy teenaged love, aggrandizing obsessive behavior? Hollywood is... pretty much going to do the same dumb thing all over again.
It Already Happened: Endless Love
-
The Hangover
Todd Phillips's raucously funny ode to drunken behavior, bolstered by a winning and human cast that spawned at least one crappy sequel? There's nothing to do but the same thing again, but not as funny. Hollywood wouldn't want to actually try and do the original material justice, after all.
It Already Happened: Arthur
-
Real Steel
Shawn Levy's increasingly popular sci-fi sports tale about how the commoditization of a sport has diminished the appreciation of the players, forcing a once-great player to prove their mettle when the odds are stacked against him? Obviously Hollywood needs to set the story in a third-world country to make Americans feel blameless, cast a actor nobody believes could possibly be a badass sports star and film one of the key action sequences in night vision so no one can tell what the hell is going on.
It Already Happened: Rollerball
-
You're Next
Adam Wingard's shockingly smart slasher about a positive female role model facing off against masked killers in a no holds barred fight to the death? The problem there is the female heroine. Surely it would be better if the focus was shifted entirely onto the killers and the grotesque life experiences that turned them into monsters, reserving the plot of the original film for the ridiculously rushed final act.
It Already Happened: Halloween
-
The Grey
Joe Carnahan's cynical, biting commentary on the inherent fragility of machismo, an ironic statement about the way macho facades can lead to deadly consequences? What a downer. Hollywood can certainly take that premise and completely reverse the point altogether, negating the purpose of remaking the movie in the first place.
It Already Happened: Straw Dogs
-
World War Z
Marc Forster's dramatic expansion of the zombie movie premise, exploring the real-world implications of a zombie outbreak and the science that might actually be behind it. Eh... It's probably best to shove a quick, cheap remake into the straight-to-video market, or whatever analogue that market will have in fifteen years.
It Already Happened: Day of the Dead
-
The Lone Ranger
Gore Verbinski's expensive, ridiculous box office flop that did drastic disservice to the original character and the legacy that made it worth adapting in the first place? Why not make it even bigger, stupider and harder to watch? That'll fix everything.
It Already Happened: The Lone Ranger
