Photo: alfexe (Getty)
It’s that time of year again. No, not the time when America rips off another country’s customs in the name of public drunkenness. Tax time. And while filing taxes may be a headache or a pocket pincher for many of you, it turns out there are all kinds of ridiculous things you can actually write off. But mostly, it’s the time of year where we wear stupid hats and disrespect other cultures with our alcoholic holidays.
If you try hard enough, you can find a way to write off just about anything, which is clearly evident by some of the people you’re about to read about. You know, the people who make the best of a bad investment or terrible life decision. Is your pool more of a money pit? Do you stare at your girlfriend and wonder how to make money off her? Did you get a DUI for crashing your car and somehow still feel entitled? Well, look no further than right below.
Speaking of taxes: Weed Sales And Other Taxes Have Helped Inject $300 Million Into Colorado’s Schools
Have a look at these clever tax loopholes and see what ridiculous thing you can write-off this year. Just promise us you won’t waste the money on St. Patty’s and get busted having drunken dumpster sex like these two.
Tax Write-Offs
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Boob Jobs
While cosmetic surgeries were normally denied claims for write-offs, one brave exotic dancer changed all that when she claimed that her female floatation devices were a business investment.
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Swimming Pools
Yes, it's true, you can get money back for all those hard-earned Sundays of frying poolside drinking mojitos, that is, if you are able to qualify the pool as a remedy for a medical condition, like arthritis or emphysema (Note: Routine alcoholism does not apply).
Additionally, you can write-off poolside vacations, if you can prove that your being there is attached to a business trip of some kind.
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Pet Food
If you have a pet that provides a service or earns an income, or if you claim anxiety ailment from being without your pet, its food may qualify as a business expense.
Some people feed feral cats to ward off snakes and eat local vermin, which is also a business investment. A gross investment, but an investment nonetheless.
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DUI Damages
This one is tricky, as requires zero shame. A fellow taxpayer wrote-off the damage to his vehicle from a DUI-related accident. The court awarded him a deduction for some of the money not covered by insurance. Albeit it was a negligible act, it wasn't grossly negligible simply because he did not willfully destroy his truck.
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Quitting Smoking
Good news, Smoky Smokes-alot. Anything that can be written off for quitting smoking (patches, gum, etc.) may qualify for a deduction since continually smoking can lead to disease or effect those around you.
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A Yacht
It pays to be popular, or at least to buy your friends. Should a yacht accrue added business for your company, be it impressing clients, a yacht technically qualifies.
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Your Girlfriend
Why get a maid when you can write-off your girlfriend doing the "company" laundry? One bold man wrote off his girlfriend as a deduction for having her manage his properties (changing sheets, doing laundry, running errands). If you're wise enough, a write-off may be possible. Of course, it may be wise not to tell her about said write-off. Just wait until guys start writing off getting laid. And gals, now would be a good time to get money for teaching your man to take out the trash (finally).
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Clarinet Lessons
Overbites were proven to be improved by clarinet lessons in the 1960s, thus they can be written off as a medical expense. But that doesn't fix the problem that you now know how to play clarinet and nobody wants to listen.
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Delivering A Dead Deer
In South Carolina, you can receive a $50 deduction if you hunt a deer for the poor. That's really nice, and a great excuse to go kill Bambi. We're not sure running her down with your Range Rover qualifies though.
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Dealing Drugs From Home
Back to having no shame. In the 1980s, a man was busted with a large amount of drugs. An audit to follow showed he owed $17K in taxes, at least until he wrote off his drugs for running his business from his home. Smart. He later went to jail for drug possession. Hey, if you're already busted, you might as well get the write-off. Remember that, kids.
