Photo: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc (Getty Images)
Remember when Internet was dial-up and you had to wait for about a minute for the modem to finally connect to the web? Back then, getting an email was something of a privilege, a special event that demanded a three-day celebration and a sacrifice to the Internet gods. Even if the email was coming from the constantly distressed Nigerian prince, you felt happy and read every word of it. Nowadays, there’s nothing special about it. When you see the little numbered notification, you know it’s most likely one of those horrible work emails you could live without. Here are some of the worst ones you could ever get.
5. Nick of Time
“Hey Dave, it’s Nick. I know you’re probably packing up to go home but I’m going to need you to write all those reports from December 2012 to right now and deliver them by the end of the day. Please make sure all the reports are quite detailed, comprehensive, and, most importantly, interesting. I’d love it if you could include a couple of infographics or something. No one likes to read dull, boring numbers, right? Have fun!”
4. Unnecessary Instructions
“Hi guys! In this email, I will try to explain to you how to open and read emails. Most of you probably already know how to use these machines called “computers” but in case you don’t, we’ll help you out. The first thing you need to do is turn it on. There must be a button somewhere, so push everything you can find until something starts glowing. Once that is done…”
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3. Annoying Joker
“Hey Dave, it’s Rodger the Dodger. What’s up? Did you see that funny cat video I sent you last month? I didn’t get any feedback from you. Take your time. It’s purr-fect. Talk to you later!”
“Hi Dave, your boy Rodger again. You’re fired! Just kidding, you’re good. I will be sending you some more funny videos later today. Prepare yourself for some serious laughter.”
“Davey, Davey, how’s it going? I just spoke to the boss and he said that you’re late with delivering that detailed report about how much you liked the funny cat video. You better get to it now!”
“Dear Dave, it’s me, the cat from the video. Why won’t you just look at my claw-some video? Can you just paw-lease do it? They told me I had some serious purr-suasion skills.”
2. Overachieving Coworker
“Hi David, can you tell me what time you will be done with the reports? I’ve already finished my pile and since we’re on the same team, I wouldn’t want the boss to think we both failed. Please finish the work by today. It’s in all our best interest. Also, I’ve taken a look at some of the reports you’ve already done. They’re not the best. Maybe you could try a bit harder. Thanks.”
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1. Ignorant Client with Outrageous Expectations
“Hello David, I would like you to make me a beautiful website that would immediately reach the first place in Google searches. Please remember to include numerous high-resolution pictures. (Can we make them 3D? If yes, do as many of them as possible.) And fill out the rest of the space with about 40 – 50 high-quality articles. Can you be done tomorrow? If you finish it tonight, there’s a $5 tip with your name on it. Get to work!”
