Fast food is a necessary evil. Sometimes you just don’t have the time to sit down and have a proper meal, either in a restaurant or at home. Other times, your inner child is clamoring for a Happy Meal (or the grown-up equivalent known as the Value Menu). And then there’s just the fact that fast food is so bad it’s good and you can’t resist every temptation.
But eat enough fast food (or just the wrong type of fast food), and you’re bound to pay a hefty price in the bathroom. To protect your precious tuchus from excessive pain and suffering, we’ve rounded up the most popular fast-food chains and ranked them according to which is most likely to ruin your pants (and your life). Never go through the drive-thru again without consulting this listicle first. And don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Cover Photo: CHBD (Getty Images)
fast food crap your pants
-
10. KFC
Colonel Sanders' secret recipe may stop you heart, but as far as fast-food establishments go, it probably won't send you racing for the bathroom.
-
9. Chipotle
This fast-casual chain's biggest diarrhea-causing culprit is the beans, but those are more likely to give you harmless gas than the chocolate thunder.
-
8. Subway
Cold cuts infamously contain listeria, a type of bacteria that's harmful enough to be anathema to pregnant women yet safe-ish enough for everyone else to consume on the regular. Still, every time you eat a sandwich packed with lunch meat, you're gambling with your gut.
-
7. Wendy's
While this fast-food purveyor prides itself on more wholesome menu offerings, there's plenty here to potentially blow your butthole out on, including the Baconator, spicy chicken sandwiches, and cheese-topped chili.
-
6. McDonald's
From Big Macs to McFlurrys, Mickey D's has plenty of mystery meat and Frankenstein ice cream options on the menu to ensure you keep crapping your pants all day. The only reason it's higher on this list is that the food takes forever to break down (outside the body, that is).
-
5. Arby's
"We have the meats" is a terrifying proposition if you have a sensitive stomach. First come the sweats, then the shits.
-
4. Burger King
Now we're getting to the real garbage food. Burger King is like the worst of McDonald's food, but left out on the counter overnight. Those flame-grilled patties have gotta be crawling with all kinds of viral threats.
-
3. Dairy Queen
You don't have to be lactose intolerant to get the back-door trots from DQ. Consume anything at this glorified ice cream parlor and be prepared to spend the rest of the day on the porcelain throne.
-
2. Sonic
One of this fast-food restaurant's most popular menu items is the "Double Stuf Oreo Blast." If that doesn't say it all, add some tots, mozzarella sticks, and corn dogs for maximum butt burst.
-
1. Taco Bell
"Run for the border" indeed. Taco Bell has always had a reputation for diarrhea-inducing food; at this point, if you go there, you must be a masochist looking for a cheap enema.
