Photo: Gerardo Mora (Getty)
After 35 years of Wheel of Fortune, you may have noticed a number of recurring staples. Be they Vanna White’s endless line of fancy dresses (6,500 of them — to make up for a lack of speaking parts?) or Pat Sajak’s routine joke after every goofy puzzle being his nickname in high school, they seem to pile up over time. But what you may not have noticed is what Sajak is really thinking while hosting.
Thank goodness we’re here to provide you with the some much-needed inner dialogue of one of our favorite longtime game show hosts. Although crude, you’d feel the same if you had to witness America’s stupidity and illiteracy on a nightly, up close and personal basis. Have a look at what Sajak is really thinking while hosting Wheel of Fortune and then tell us you’re amazed he hasn’t quit (or tried to kill someone) by now.
This is more harrowing than that time “someone” spread a hilariously vicious rumor about Vanna needing wheelchair access and a Gopher to turn the letters, and the wheel being made of paper to appease Sajak’s withering corpse.
You know what they say, though: That’s showbiz, folks!
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"Hey Vanna..."
...who told you that you could talk?
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"I Still Eagerly Await the Day..."
...when I ask a recently divorced person if their wife is in the crowd.
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"Why Would You Buy a Frickin' Vowel..."
...when you already know the puzzle?!
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"God, I Miss the '80s..."
...We used to drink between segments back then.
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"No, You Can't Use That Word..."
...on national television.
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"What Is My Favorite Thing About Hosting?"
The possibility of a "final spin" coming.
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"What's It Gonna Take..."
...for someone to fire my ass?
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"It's Always Fun...
...to rub it in their face after they blow it.
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"Talk About a 'Before & After'"
(The after being Vanna tied to the wheel)
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"I Don't Give a Fuck..."
...where you're from. Just spin the goddamn wheel.
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"Oh Good, Another Winner"
And thank you for screaming in my face, ya prick.
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"Finally..."
...We can be alone.
