The wonderful world of Disney cast Brittany Murphy as the voice of the famous pixie in the upcoming film, Tinkerbell. This is weird considering the fact that Tinkerbell has never spoken a word in any Disney production. Not one. Which, in reality, is what I wish Brittany Murphy would do. The breathy phone sex operator who just swallowed helium thing that she does is not really sexy. It’s annoying. I’d rather hear Gilbert Gottfried having sex than listen to Brittany Murphy’s voice for two hours.
21st Century Man's Guide to Not Being an Awful Human Being
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Don't Be An Awful Sexist
We like women. We like talking to 'em, we like looking at 'em, we like sitting behind 'em on the bus and sniffing their hair. We like women so much, in fact, that we're willing to set aside our sense of self-entitlement to give this whole "equal opportunity" thing a shot. Who knows, if we all try hard enough, maybe one day it'll actually happen!
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Don't Be An Awful Homophobe
Imagine if I came to your house, peered through your bedroom window and loudly informed you that you were doing sex wrong. "Your technique's all wrong", I'd say, staring into your eyes whilst you awkwardly continued thrusting, "it's all about the fluidity of your motion, not the force of it. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Yeah, that's what gay people have to deal with.
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Don't Be An Awful Alpha Male
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. You do not take those lemons, repeatedly inform your peers that your lemons are better than their lemons, before squeezing the citric acid of said lemons into their eyes, laughing maniacally and benchpressing 140lbs in your tight Topman vest with 'IBIZA' emblazoned across the front of it.
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Don't Be An Awful Bore
It's good to have a hobby. It distracts you from the looming inevitability of death. Unfortunately, many men take their hobby too far. "I EAT, SLEEP AND BREATHE [insert name of sports team here]", they say. They presumably say this because "I ENJOY WATCHING [insert name of sports team here] A REASONABLE AMOUNT, BUT I ALSO BALANCE IT WITH OTHER INTERESTS" doesn't sound as manly. However, it does sound a lot more reasonable.
