In today’s America, everything under the sun has been turned into an online political shouting match. You cannot enjoy your favorite movies, shows, or songs without some basement-dwelling troll or indignant woke person turning it into a left versus right issue.
While the right loves to manufacture outrage over stupid sh*t like Mr. Potatohead, some on the left are without the ability to recognize satire, humor, or content relevant to its time. So it seems fitting your overly woke kids will ruin your favorite movies. Here are the films they’re coming after next.
Cover Image: Columbia Pictures
Woke Tennage Daughter
-
7. Blazing Saddles
If there ever were a film that pokes fun at race, sex and gender in most satisfying fashion, it's Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles. Even though this comedy actually punches up and pokes fun at white supremacy and negative attitudes about minorities, your humorless and narrow-minded teens will fail to understand the commentary of the time. They will demand that you all dress up as some manga anime character and play Pokémon Go, because your teens are the worst human beings and should be put up for adoption.
-
6. Jaws
The film that made everyone afraid of the ocean and that featured some incredible monologues and score is a beloved classic. But your woke teens will say that it mansplains female sharks too much. Further, it makes them look too aggressive. After hearing your kids' totally pointless rant about it, you'll wish you were ensconced in the shark cage with Robert Shaw.
-
5. 12 Angry Men
This timeless classic and harrowing courtroom drama is an impeccable film that wonderfully depicts behind-the-scenes jury deliberation. However, your woke teens will be upset that it features only 12 angry men, not 12 angry women.
-
4. E.T.
Besides The Goonies, there's really no other '80s film that Gen X and older millennials hold dearer to their childhood than E.T. But don't go streaming it with your woke teens; they'll say it promotes the abuse of alien life forms.
-
3. Grumpy Old Men
While most sane and normal human beings can enjoy this film on the merits of it being a light-hearted ribbing of men in their golden years, your woke teens will say it's ageist and must be cancelled right away!
-
2. Jurassic Park
Your woke teens will probably love this early '90s classic that ushered in the use of CGI in film, but she'll also complain about how there aren't any non-binary dinosaurs.
-
1. Ghostbusters
While this '80s classic comedy/adventure would seem to be off-limits to your overly woke kids, especially following the success of the latest installment Ghostbusters Afterlife, your teens will complain about how there are no African-American ghosts featured in the original. So get ready to endure an hour-long lecture about horrible you are for watching this totally offensive film.
