CES is…weird.
It stands to reason, of course. The show is home to 150,000 people, all previewing the oddest and most fantastical technological advancements the world can think of.
So following that logic, the folks who come up with and show off those ideas aren’t exactly the most linear thinkers in the room. Their thought patterns twist and turn like a rabid squirrel on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
So it also follows that some of what they come up with…and some of the things that their ilk think are so amazing every year at the Consumer Electronics Show are just flat-out…weird.
In honor of that level of dementia, we present 10 of the weirdest, oddest sights from the CES 2014 floor. So make no sense…some start to make even less sense when you think about them…but all are examples of CES at its abso-freakin-best.
Don’t ever change, CES. We luv ya.
CES 2014: The Weird of CES
-
Legot EV3 Drawing Robot
It's made out of LEGOs and can draw practically anything. And when you're done with that intricate portrait of Abraham Lincoln that took 6 months to program, you can take it apart and watch your little brother stick a piece of it up his nose.
-
Bone-Conducting Headphones
See, nothing actually goes into your ears when you wear bone-conducting headphones. These phones just zap the sound directly into the intermost reaches of your head. I think I saw them use these in A Clockwork Orange. Thanks...but I'll pass.
-
Dancing Robots
Not so much weird, we guess, but almost expected at an Asian-centric tech assemblage like CES. Dancing robots are just insanely, insanely cute. We'd stand their by their little plastic corral and watch 'em twerk all day.
-
Ubooly
A smart toy that can teach your child math. Or how to take over the world. C'mon, do you really trust your child's education to that little bastard? Got our eye on you, Ubooly...if that is your REAL name...
-
Muse
Muse is a brain-sensing headband that says it'll help you calm your busy brain by "seeing and hearing your brain activity." Uh, what now? We can't imagine any means of seeing and hearing how our brains are working is going to be relaxing in any way.
-
The Sony-Oculus-Rift-Microsoft Gaming Headgear
No. Just...no.
May be cool as hell for playing Call of Duty...but Geordi La Forge never bagged any chicks on the Enterprise -- and we think we know why.
-
Electronic Cigarettes
It's tough to argue against a product that helps people quit smoking...unless you're getting that funky vapor smoke blown in your face by everyone in your office. "It's OK," they promise, "It's just vapor."
After that, you can come up with quite a few creative ways you'd like to jam an electronic cigarette down their throat. Just sayin'...
JOE KLAMAR/AFP/Getty Images
-
Teeth Widening
Bet, you never came to CES thinking you were going to undergo a free teeth-widening session, huh? Eat it, Dr. Weisman, I don't need you anymore...you can bill me IN HELL!
-
Paro Pets
It's a robotic baby harp seal that uses sensors, soothing noises and its all-around cuteness to reduce stress in hospital and rest home patients. But they're just enough pet you have to keep track of and care for yourself. That didn't work out so well with Sparky or that bird you had in the 5th grade. So no dice, Paro Pet...
-
Sleepytime
And if you get tired after circling CES' 2 million square feet of displays, you can just crash out...right there...in the middle of the show. The girls working the high-tech sleep chairs booth will try to shoo you off, but stand firm. This is YOUR CES...YOLO.
