I’ve been in a relationship for a long time now. A long time. A loooooooooooooooooooooong time. So I think I have more experience than most in letting you in on some tricks of the trade – the trade being “not languishing in the Hell on Earth that is the single life.” Here’s your guide to where you’re going wrong in your relationship, and how to solve the problems you’ll likely come up against with your girlfriend.
Different Interests
You and your girlfriend’s different hobbies and interests will likely result in some friction in your relationship. While in the beginning you will both be looking to accommodate each other and partake in things you don’t necessarily enjoy just for the sake of appearing more easy-going, as the months/years go by you’ll likely be far less willing to venture out of your comfort zone. As you grow more comfortable in each other’s company, you’ll also be more comfortable with making your likes and dislikes abundantly clear, and if your interests conflict then it’s inevitably going to spell trouble. The most obvious answer to this question would be to “just give it another shot” and really try and get behind her hobby, but that’s easier said than done. Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you need to transform into them and try to somehow like the things that they like. Chances are that her circle of friends share the same interests as her and vice versa, which is why it’s so important to not drop your friends out of the picture when you’re in a relationship. Many struggle to maintain a hold of their social circle when they get a girl/boyfriend, and it’s not difficult to understand why. For many, a key facet of going out with their friends when they’re single is the thrill of potentially meeting a member of the opposite sex that they like. When that thrill is taken out, interest in doing “single things” with single people inevitably dwindles. However, completely abandoning your friends is never a good move, as that makes you then completely dependent upon your partner to provide you with fun and enjoyment. If your interests include, say, bare-knuckle boxing, and your girlfriend doesn’t enjoy the visceral thrill of watching fat men punch themselves to near-death, then by dropping your buddies you’ve then got no one else to enjoy that with, unless you take your girlfriend along with you anyway only to watch her berate your hobby. The best solution to you and your girlfriend having conflicting interests is to enjoy those interests with your friends, and not leave them in the lurch as soon as you’ve entered into a relationship.
Ending Arguments
When two people spend so much time together they’re bound to have disagreements, and it’s likely that you’ll both act differently when it comes to dealing with conflict. One of you may be more fiery, while the other may be more logical in their approach, and this is fine. The key to settling arguments before they get out of hand is to rest upon a happy medium wherein both of you have aired your grievances. This is where you both need to learn how to feel comfortable communicating your feelings with each other. In the heat of an argument it is difficult to control how you’re feeling in order to adequately convey your side of events. One of you may even choose to exit the conflict altogether, with you both refusing to speak for a couple of days until you’ve calmed down. In an ideal world, arguments with your significant other could be solved the second that they erupt, with you both acknowledging each others’ points of view before settling upon a reasonable conclusion. But this isn’t an ideal world, and that shit rarely ever happens. In reality, if you find yourself unable to express your opinion without becoming a venomous ball of rage, then it’s best that you detach yourself from the situation, give yourself a few hours to mull it over and then return when you’ve calmed down and can handle the situation without spitting bile everywhere.
Knowing When to Call it a Day
I think the main problem that plagues relationships is when neither party admits that it is now on its last legs and it’s time to give up the ghost. While there’s a lot to be said for couples that put the effort in and work through the bad times, those who can’t really remember when they last had a good time and still continue their loveless partnership regardless are definitely not to be admired. While petty arguments shouldn’t bring you to your knees and underlying issues within the relationship can be brought to light and resolved, when you’ve lost sight of exactly why you’re continuing to put yourself through so many “downs” whilst receiving few “ups” in return, you need to seriously consider if it’s time to go your separate ways. It’s difficult ending a relationship because of the uncertainty that’s waiting for you on the other end. Perhaps you’ve been together for a while and you can’t comprehend venturing back into single life, or perhaps you’ve only been together for a few months but the thought of being alone again turns your stomach. But while it may be daunting to leave your girlfriend and begin going it alone once more, the alternative is that you spend months/years wasting your life in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. Cut the cord now so that you don’t wake up in a marriage to someone you don’t love simply because you can’t comprehend any other lifestyle. Photo: Getty Images
