Love stories are for the ages, but in the case of Showtime’s “Californication,” the story has just gone on for ages and it is mercifully coming to an end.
The obstacle for cable television is knowing when to end the show, as they are rarely renewed for subsequent seasons until after the previous one has finished shooting. Thus, every season finale is potentially a series finale. Unfortunately, with every passing year, “Californication” had fewer cards to play and fell further from grace and its simple, original intent.
After six long seasons of literary and domestic ups and downs, forced story lines and progressively more brutal guest characters, Hank Moody and his ladylove Karen stare down the seventh and final season of this Henry Miller meets James Dean-style love story about bad romance in the city of lost love. Here’s why – season b
y season – it clearly makes sense for it to be the last for this happy couple. (WARNING: SERIES SPOILERS AHEAD)
Season 1: Karen decides to marry some weird dude, leaves him at the altar for Hank.
The story was simple: a struggling writer battles his demons – sex, whiskey and more sex – after his first major success. He attempts to claw his way through his shortcomings as both a writer and father, only to escape an underage sexcapade and forfeit his latest literary success in order to safely return to the loving arms of his dream girl. It was perfect.
Season 2: Karen dumps Hank over illegitimate child that isn’t his, then leaves.
Picking up after the glow, we find Hank tackling semi-sobriety and full-on monogamy only to have it ripped away for no reason. His friend in squalor, Lew Ashby (Callum Keith Rennie), provides some obstacles for him, but in the end Hank learns to choose his daughter over paradise (New York) with his lover. Pretty brilliant, and still in the vein of original intent.
Season 3: Karen is gone all season, returns to watch the bomb go off and bail.
The fact she left her daughter in the care of a depraved, sex and alcohol addicted man-child who has never had an adult job is astounding, but Hank manages to impressively juggle three very different women – his boss, T.A. and student – as Karen returns to realize how much Hank has gone off the beaten path. Just as he’s about to get out of dodge, the underage sexcapade girl and the book that tells it all, which she stole from Hank, reappear to fuck their plans of getting out of L.A. That’s what happens when you drink, screw and ignore your parental responsibility. It would have been a great way to come full circle and end the
show.
Season 4: Karen hates Hank and dates a black dude, Hank spirals out of control.
In the fallout of his legal jam, Karen takes to dating someone else, leaving Hank homeless, jobless, broke and on the verge of killing himself. This love story is irredeemable, yet Hank finds a way to redeem himself, make amends, get back to writing and ride off into the California sunset. Game, set and match. Good enough, but seriously, no more.
Season 5: Karen is married now, leaves that guy (again) to go to Hank.
When something reinvents itself, like U2, you know it’s going to be shit. Picking up two years later, Hank is seemingly a changed man, only now his moral high ground is in the L.
A. rap scene, which is pretty ridiculous for a guy who hates rap and doesn’t like L.A. Karen is now married, so clearly that storyline is done. Wait, they bring it back in the finale by having a mutual separation just before immediately ripping it away again with a near-death experience for Hank. If it’s their love story, why is she marrying multiple other dudes? Not good, pretty much a forced dump is what this is.
Season 6: Karen is off men, especially Hank for some reason, proceeds to bang Rob Lowe.
Hank is battling his demons, but he does it alone while an unsupportive Karen is off toying with lesbian self-helpers and remodeling homes of shitty out-of-work rockers. The nonexistent ’80s rock star played by the terrible Tim Minchin doing a musical? The spin-off based on Maggie Siff’s shitty portrayal of a modern day Penny Lane muse? The daughter following her father’s footsteps after five seasons of ridiculing his lifestyle? All of these were story lines, as was Karen sleeping with film star and perverse wacko Eddie Nero (Lowe).
So what was once an underground Bukowski-style cult writer with a fuck-the-world edge became a pop culture sell-out trying to make money to keep his floundering agent afloat. Why are they still making this shit? You’ve lost your way, “Californication.” Turn around. Total crap.
Season 7: What to expect in the final season?
In the final season, Hank attempts to gather back the best, lost parts of himself into a happy ending, so to speak. But will he? Longevity is a skill, but not if its price is quality. Having made it seven seasons, a run like that isn’t worth it if you alienate your most loyal fans – myself included – to a state of complete indifference as to the ending of its story.
The new season will feature guest spots from the likes of Heather Graham and Michael Imperioli, as well as the return of Rob Lowe. It also teases a surprise story line that takes the two main characters even further apart, but somehow you know they’ll cheaply end up together. Hank will be in a TV writers’ room, which is actually a somewhat believable premise, but still detracts from the original idea of being a novelist with any dignity in his work. The only thing keeping us entertained the past couple seasons are the abominable story lines they put on Hank’s friend, agent and whipping boy, Charlie Runkle (i.e. getting sucked off by a tranny in the back of a squad car, performing a masturbation montage and getting dick slapped in a dive bar full of strangers). Now we just have to get him another job (again).
The only real justice that could happen with this show, you wonder? It would be if Hank actually met his demise in season five and every crap storyline since then was just a mirage. Only then would this series have redeemed itself. The good news for Showtime is the “Californication” series finale can’t be worse than the “Dexter” outro. Or at least we hope not.
