It’s been two decades since we’ve seen the dimwitted “Dumb and Dumber” duo ignorantly screw over countless people in pursuit of a woman, but this November, they’re finally back. In honor of that, let’s look back and rank those Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne screwed over the most in the first film, to see whether or not they can outdo themselves in “Dumb and Dumber To.”
10) Mrs. Neugeboren (Neugiburger) & Her Poor Mutts
Harry, while working as a driver for Mutt Cutts, stopped to buy hotdogs and roast beef sandwiches for Mrs. Neugeboren’s show dogs before their contest. Instead of being primed and ready, the dogs ended up covered in ketchup and mustard in the back of his sheepdog van.
9) Female Undercover Detective
Lloyd leaves the undercover detective (played by Victoria Rowell) in a bar once he finds out Mary Swanson lives in the “big place, Alpine Drive.” That was after Harry got her number at a gas station and never called her. Poor gal.
8) Diner Waitress
The boys pull an old western prank where they dine and ditch by sticking their tab on another restaurant customer (Sea Bass), but not before insulting the waitress (“Flo, like the TV show”) first and stealing some snacks before they hit the road.
7) Sea Bass & The Fellas
Played brilliantly by NHL all-star Cam Neely, Sea Bass not only gets stuck with Harry and Lloyd’s bill after getting hit with the salt shaker, but he also gets knocked out cold in a gas station restroom when Harry busts through the stall door with his foot on fire.
6) Mary Swanson
After taking Mary’s briefcase, which was supposed to be used to save her husband, they spent all the ransom money on lavish gifts and left IOUs in their place (“$275 thou–might want to hang onto that one”). In the end, both Harry and Lloyd fought over a married woman and almost got her and her husband killed.
5) Nicholas Andre
Harry and Lloyd completely ruined Mr. Andre’s plan to kidnap Mary’s husband and demand ransom, but just to send a message, they also unintentionally killed the “nice set of hooters” at his Icelandic Snow Owl Preservation Society dinner. Those owls never hurt anybody!
4) State Trooper
After escaping from the diner without paying their tab, Lloyd was forced to urinate into empty beer bottles so that Sea Bass wouldn’t “catch up and slit their throats.” After getting pulled over for speeding with an open container(s), the state trooper (Harland Williams) drinks Lloyd’s urine before tweaking his taste buds on the side of the road. “Tic-Tac, sir?”
3) Billy in 4C, aka “The Blind Kid!?”
It goes without saying that taking money from a blind kid is a cardinal sin, but when Lloyd gives a dead bird (“Petey didn’t even have a head”) to the blind kid, along with some baseball cards and a sack of marbles, that is the most cardinal sin of all.
2) Joe Mentalino
It’s a very Good Samaritan way of living when you pick up hitchhikers on the side of the road, but it’s a very different thing when Harry and Lloyd fill Joe Mentalino’s burger with atomic peppers as a goof. The guy with the ulcer gets a lethal dose of rat poison before Harry and Lloyd grab the check and split the scene in the 1984 Sheepdog.
1) Each Other
Not even rat poisoning can match the backstabbing of a best friend. Between the cheating Mr. French Tickler, adding a few extra half teaspoons of laxative for “fast, effective relief” and letting each other miss out on oiling up a bus full of hot bikini babes, it seems Harry and Lloyd are not only each other’s best friends, but also their greatest enemies, screwing one another over time and time again. We’ll see just how much more they can screw each other over 20 years later. “Dumb and Dumber To” opens up on November 14.
