Janet Jackson Is Pregnant

Janet Jackson just announced that she’s pregnant. Janet Jackson is 49. That may seem too old to have a baby, but she had to make sure Michael was really dead. You understand.

“We’re in the second leg of the tour and there actually has been a sudden change,” Jackson said. “I thought it was important that you be the first to know. My husband and I are planning our family, so I’m going to have to delay the tour.”

I guess we can start speculating on the baby’s name, but we can probably go ahead and rule out “Justin Timberlake”. Look it up, Bernie Sanders supporters.