Can you have fantasy teams for fantasy sports? Might as well, since we already designate every day to them. Saturdays are for college football, Sundays, Monday and Thursday are for NFL. Major League Baseball and even Major League Soccer take up pretty much every other day. Next, the NBA and NHL seasons begin, and suddenly you have no life. Then you forgot your kids’ names again. Even on non-game days, we are inundated with previews of upcoming games, news about player signings, and gossip about strange injuries. We don’t really have any time for anything new, but if a new sport ever caught fire, we’d obviously make time for it (and maybe get rid of a couple current ones). These are the best made-up pro sports we wish existed (even though they actually don’t), most of which are hybrid .
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Sports We Wish Existed
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Dizzy Bat Archery
With the proper safety precautions, this sport could be a lot of fun. Without them, this sport could ruin your afternoon. After spinning around a Wiffle bat, we wouldn’t want your arrows going willy-nilly and landing in places they shouldn’t. That’s why it needs to be played indoors in a facility with spectators (and opponents) behind safety glass.
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Drunk Dodgeball
Dodgeball is one of our favorite games from our youth (extra points if you played bowling pin dodgeball). The problem with this game is that some players (who happen to be more athletic and actually have hand-eye coordination) are much better than others. To put everyone on equal (albeit wobbly) footing, everyone needs to shotgun three beers before the game starts and three more at halftime.
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Baseball Golf
We turn on golf when we want to take a Sunday nap. The only thing more boring than the sport itself is the low-talking, droning announcers. We’d like to make like Happy Gilmore and jazz it up a bit. Instead of clubs, you have to throw your ball in the air and hit it with a baseball bat. Putting might be difficult, but we honestly don’t care.
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Ice Soccer
We can definitely sit back and enjoy a 0-0 draw in soccer if there’s a lot of amazing goalie saves (although we'd prefer some goals). When it’s 0-0 and there are no shots on goal, that’s where we draw the line. We’d like to fix it by making everyone play on ice instead of grass. They’d still wear cleats, but good luck doing a bicycle kick now.
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Tackle Basketball
We don’t have any real problems with the rules of basketball. We love a game that comes down to a buzzer beater. But, we’d also love to see a game where no fouls were called and tackling was totally legal. It might not make it to halftime, but we’d still enjoy watching it.
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Underwater Boxing
When we were kids, boxing was huge. In recent years, mixed martial arts have taken the blood sport mantle and really run with it. The only way boxing is going to get the heat MMA has is if they do something over-the-top. We propose underwater boxing. Simply put, it’s boxing underwater. We’ll just leave that there.
