One thing is clear from the unprecedented release of Zack Snyder’s Justice League on HBO Max: Zack Snyder loves a shirtless man. Sure, we noticed a bunch of other differences between Joss Whedon’s 2017 box office bomb and TSC, but seriously, this man’s love of a beefy chest is breathtaking.
Yes, the warning signs were there way back in 2007 when Snyder released his Spartan love letter, 300, but our suspicions have finally been confirmed courtesy of HBO’s $70 million resurrection. After rescuing his baby from the studio swamps, Snyder’s 4-hour vision is such a triumph, DC may even get another shot at the superhero title fight. Coincidence or not, they have no shortage of beefcakes to thank.
While Whedon’s abbreviated version of TJL reduced the entire movie to a series of emotionless close-ups between green screens, he also left a distasteful amount of A-List skin on the cutting room floor. From Jason Mamoa and Ben Affleck to Henry Cavill and Darkseid himself, there’s enough Magic Mike sex appeal and rock-hard abs here to make cinematic diamonds.
Raw animal magnetism aside, you could even argue that seeing a superhero out of costume humanizes them on a subconscious level. (Freud loved a svelte chest.)
Whatever the reason for Whedon’s dislike of studmuffinery, we’re stoked that Zack Snyder’s long-awaited opus to the DC Universe has finally arrived, pecs and all. If you’re a fan of the greatest superheroes of all time (and topless men) do yourself a favor and stream Zack Snyder’s Justice League: Justice Is Gray tonight. (Shirt not required.)
And while you’re at it, check out these other movies we think could benefit from “The Snyder Cut” treatment and see if you agree with the more “comfortable” direction we see these beloved films going.
Cover Photo: Warner Media
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Snyder Cut Topless Movies
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'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy'
Anchorman could have been the greatest movie of all time if only they'd ditched the starchy shirts and let their silk puppies out.
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'Reservoir Dogs'
The matching black suits are arguably the most iconic visual of this stripped-down feature film debut from Quentin Tarantino. But if we stripped it down even further, it probably would have won an Oscar.
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'Lord of the Rings'
Barechested hobbits, elves, and dwarves would have balanced out the gratuitous naked orc scenes nicely. Fully clothed, it's practically unwatchable.
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'No Country for Old Men'
The only thing that could make Javier Bardem's performance more creepy is his beautiful chest hanging out the entire time.
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'National Treasure'
Nic Cage's character Ben Gates is obsessive. But what if he was topless too? Perfect movie.
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The Entire 'Godfather' Trilogy
How amazing would this scene have been if Al Pacino had gone shirtless? Just a man in his kitchen realizing he will never escape the mob. Then looking down and realizing he will also never have a six-pack. That's good storytelling.
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'The Revenant'
We think we might have felt the South Dakota cold even more had everyone gone au naturel. Not to mention, the one shirtless scene where DiCaprio crawls into a dead horse is the film's finest moment. More of that, please.
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'Saving Private Ryan'
There have been A LOT of WW2 films over the years. Ditching the uniforms would have really set this one apart. Just saying.
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Every Seth Rogen Movie Ever Made
This man's nakedness is his secret weapon. Every minute he's onscreen fully clothed is a minute wasted.
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'The Two Popes'
WWJD? Yes, we went there.
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'Black Panther'
Okay, but for real, Black Panther needs a Snyder Cut. We love the first half but the movie's third act is a literal (and figurative) trainwreck. Rumor has it, the studio didn't know how to end the film so they called an emergency meeting where instead of finding a climactic resolve to the philosophical disputes of civil rights leaders, they rewatched The Lion King and said "Let's do that." Can we get a Coogler Cut on this, asap?
