Show of hands if you totally bombed Valentine’s Day and your relationship is hanging by a thread. Now take that hand and pat yourself on the back in an act of self-love. It’s not your fault you blew it again. Relationships don’t come with instruction manuals. And if you’re like us, you probably get most of your relationship advice from movies.
But it turns out that movies are a terrible place to get advice for pretty much everything. Remember when you bought a Delorean so you could go back in time and save your parent’s marriage? Or how about the time you made a porno with your roommate to solve your cash flow problems?
To be fair, the amount of pressure people place on Valentine’s Day is absurd. After all, it started off as a day ancient Roman dudes slapped women in the face to boost fertility. At least you’re not doing that (we hope).
However, if your significant other is still mad at you for destroying all her notions of love, just show her this list. We can’t guarantee forgiveness, but we can promise you that your jilted lover will soon begin to understand the way your brain really works. For better or worse.
Cover Photo: 20th Century Fox
worst advice fave movies
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'Office Space' - Show Them Your 'O' Face
Why did no one tell us this was a bad idea until yesterday? We've been doing this for years.
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'Dazed and Confused' - Only Date Younger Women
Turns out dating someone half your age is actually an impediment to personal growth. Which is totally cool until you actually want a functioning relationship.
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'Moonstruck' - Stealing Your Brothers Fiance Won't Do Any Harm
Especially if you put a ring on it. Then there's no chance that future family gatherings (like your wedding) will be full of simmering tension, right? Wrong.
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'Get Out' - Girlfriends Are Gateways To Getting Your Organs Harvested
Even now, we can never truly let our guard down because in the back of our minds we're pretty sure she's just waiting to use our body as a vessel for her racist grandma.
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'City Slickers' - Every Problem Can Easily Be Fixed With A Solo Getaway
Are you dealing with deep-seated problems that are slowly rotting away the foundations of your happiness? Nothing a week of ignoring her calls won't fix.
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'Pretty Woman' - A Shopping Spree Is The Montage Shortcut to Every Girl's Heart
Now our only companion is this stack of unpaid credit cards and the memory of so many rustling shopping bags.
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'Heathers' - Stalking Is Just Romantic Persistence
Time has shown that setting up your crush to murder her best friend is just not good relationship advice.
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'When Harry Met Sally' - Men And Women Can't Be Friends
In reality, men and women make great friends. Especially when there's sex involved.
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'Fight Club' - Dysfunctional Partnerships Are The Best
This is why we stay in messed-up relationships way too long. When deep down inside we know that this whole Valentine's Week fight is the perfect opportunity to finally just break up. After all, is she really the one you wanna be holding hands with when the buildings go kaboom?
