The Big List: Scientists Believe Noah’s Ark Would Have Floated

Time to hear the voice of God, build an ark, get two of each animal on it, endure your neighbors constantly saying you’re crazy, watch as the floods come and murder out all those wrongheaded, but basically innocent people, survive for a month, make God super proud, sell the movie rights and check out these links!

Nation Already Sick Of Baseball (The Onion)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-already-sick-of-baseball,35686/

For it’s one, two, three strikes—eh, who cares?

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Casts Sole ‘No’ Vote For Naming Street After Nelson Mandela

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/03/rob-ford-nelson-mandela_n_5083868.html

He’s pretty much a lock for re-election.

Noah’s Ark Would Have Floated… Even With 70,000 Animals

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/10740451/Noahs-Ark-would-have-floated…even-with-70000-animals.html

See? Every word of the Bible is historically accurate.

Who Were The Tallest Athletes In History?

http://regressing.deadspin.com/who-were-the-tallest-athletes-in-history-1557151290

I still hold the record for tallest shortsketball player.

Court Reporter Officially Hates His Job More Than You Do

http://time.com/48136/court-reporter-officially-hates-his-job-more-than-you-do/

Let the record show that it took this man an absurdly long time to get fired.

That’s all for this this Biblical edition of The Big List!

Geoffrey Golden is a bestselling author and Editor-in-Chief of The Devastator comedy magazine.

Comedy Channel Contributor

Geoffrey Golden is a writer AND a fighter from West Hollywood, CA. He's the Editor in Chief of The Devastator, "The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans," sold in bookstores across the country. Geoffrey has also written for a bunch of magically glamorous Hollywood movie studios and websites, including Fox, Warner Bros, CraveOnline, Cracked, Comedy.com, National Lampoon and Lionsgate. As for his fighting experience, Geoffrey has faced off for both the Marvel and Capcom teams, but thinks Ryu and Wolverine should bury the hatchet already.