It’s oddly exhilarating to watch a movie based on a video game that I’ve never actually played. For once I can look at an adaptation like this without prior knowledge, or any interpretations of my own, and judge the film Hitman: Agent 47 entirely on its own merits. I do not know how faithful it is. I do not even know if it’s any better than the Timothy Olyphant movie from 2007, which I haven’t seen either.
Yes, all I know is that this movie sucks, all on its own.
Although it may be superior to several other video game adaptations, Hitman: Agent 47 suffers from distracting similarities to other, better movies and an absurd storyline that every character is sadly committed to taking seriously. Rupert Friend (Homeland) plays “47,” a clone with superhuman reflexes and psychological programming who is on a mission to find his maker, a geneticist who is also being pursued by the sinister organization called “Syndicate International,” which only wants to make more killer clones.
20th Century Fox
Related: Interview | Rupert Friend Adds Gamer Cred to ‘Hitman: Agent 47’
Why they would want to do this – and what agenda they would wish to pursue after they succeeded – is never really addressed. We have to take it on faith that “Syndicate International” is evil because they are against our hero, Katia van Dees (Hannah Ware), and also 47, who is initially set up as the film’s villain but is so obviously a good guy that you just sit there twiddling your thumbs for about half an hour, waiting for the movie to catch up with you. (See also: “The Genisys Effect.”)
Soon they are on the run, dispatching faceless enemy agents via stealth ‘em up traps in scenes that play out like tedious gameplay tutorials. These scenes are interspersed with fights and shoot outs that might have been enjoyably over the top if they were edited more clearly. The plot, such as it is, soon disappears almost entirely, and Hitman: Agent 47 starts traveling on rigid rails from one set piece to another, pausing only occasionally to ponder the meaning of existence and then come to high school philosophy conclusions about it.
20th Century Fox
It’s Rupert Friend who makes Hitman: Agent 47 even remotely watchable. The actor is more reserved and refined than the typical action star, and although he has almost no discernible character to work with he glides through this movie with a committed weariness. You get the sense that he’s a little annoyed to be here as well, and that he’s just doing what he has to do to get through this situation, and he eventually earns our sympathy because sitting through Hitman: Agent 47 would have the same effect on anyone.
We are still patiently waiting for a video game movie that could objectively be called “good,” because Hitman: Agent 47 isn’t it. Like too many other video game movies it comes across like a facsimile of a facsimile, a blurry reenactment of a knockoff. A little Terminator here, a lot of John Woo there, and served with a generous side of The Transporter. There’s nothing about this film that makes any impact whatsoever which doesn’t feel deliberately cribbed from other, better movies, to the extent that one should probably ignore this one entirely in favor of rewatching those films instead.
William Bibbiani (everyone calls him ‘Bibbs’) is Crave’s film content editor and critic. You can hear him every week on The B-Movies Podcast and watch him on the weekly YouTube series Most Craved and What the Flick. Follow his rantings on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
