Captain Jack Sparrow continues to be haunted by the spectre of #DogGate.
Yep. The aftermath of the biggest biosecurity saga in Australia’s history is still unfolding, with actor Johnny Depp appearing on US TV talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live to hang more shit on deputy PM/unrepentant would-be dog hunter Barnaby Joyce.
After stealing a smooch from the former Sexiest Man Alive, Kimmel quizzed Depp on the terrifying hostage video informative PSA that he and wife Amber Heard made, apologizing for bringing their Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo, into Australia without properly declaring them.
ICYMI (what are you even doing with your life?): the Hollywood couple volunteered to shoot the cringeworthy clip as a blood sacrifice to spare their pets from being euthanized by Australia’s Agriculture Minister.
And Depp made like Edward Scissorhands by responding with some cutting remarks.
“He looks somehow inbred with a tomato,” he told Kimmel. “It’s not a criticism. I was a little worried. He just might explode.” Which – if you’ve seen Barnaby Joyce – is fair.
“[The dogs are] minuscule, tiny teacup things, clearly dangerous in Australia, because there’s so many poisonous creatures in Australia, you can die at any minute, so the dogs are obviously a problem in Australia,” Depp explained.
“I think the choice [the Australian government] made to utilize the taxpayers’ dollars to globally chase down a couple of teacup yorkies and give them 50 hours to live … I realized the badness of my ways so I was kind of repenting.”
Depp also referred to him as “Barnaby Jones”.
However, Joyce himself has remained unphased by Depp’s “inbred tomato” jibe, boasting that he’d gotten inside Depp’s head.
“I’m pulling little strings and pulling little levers. Long after I’ve forgotten about Mr. Depp, he’s remembering me,” Joyce said. “I think I’m turning into Johnny Depp’s Hannibal Lecter.”
So our country is essentially being wing-manned by a proudly cannibalistic inbred tomato.
At least that explains a lot.
