Photo: nandyphotos (Getty).
Dinnertime during the holidays can be a lot like walking a tight rope. You never know if a political opinion, drunken gaffe, or offensive joke can ostracize you from the family. That said, if your family ostracizes you in any way, then they might be crap to begin with. So, give ’em hell with the following offensive jokes.
If you’re squeamish, we recommend clicking out of this page. If you’re sensitive, we recommend clicking out of this page, too. If you’ve ever heckled a comedian at a standup show because a joke offended you, please walk into oncoming traffic. Just kidding. See, that’s the beauty of it. (No seriously, walk dangerously close to the edge of a highway.)
Here are a few jokes to tell your grandma this during the holidays. Or not. Probably not.
Tastelessly Offensive Jokes You Shouldn’t Tell At The Dinner Table
But hey, if you’re looking to be given death stares by everyone at the dinner table, then you might as well use these jokes and you will accomplish that mission in no time at all.
Good luck!
On the flip side: The Crappiest, Most Hilarious Jokes That Will Most Definitely Get You Laid
Tastelessly Offensive Jokes
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The morning of November 9th...
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary by reminding her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he served 27 years in prison.
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How do rednecks celebrate Halloween?
They pump kin.
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I'm not racist...
I have a color TV.
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What does an Irish seven course meal consist of?
A six-pack and a potato.
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What did Helen Keller name her dog?
AEEEEEOOOOWOOOGAAUWUGGH
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I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic last night...
Turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
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How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Piece of cake.
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How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's an obscure number. I'm sure you've never heard of it.
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How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
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What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea
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What's the difference between a wife and a job?
A job still sucks after 10 years.
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My grandpa said, Your generation relies too much on technology!
I said, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
