When people have too much time on their hands, they tend to create new labels for things that don’t need them. The most recent addition to the big book of useless definitions is the term “Geriatric Millennial.”
While the label conjures images of aging hipsters with crooked backs and long white beards, it’s really a convoluted way of categorizing people born in the early ’80s. These exotic natives of the dark ages, born before the internet, basically witnessed the invention of fire and so straddle the digital-analog divide like cyber cowboys wearing wild stallions for shoes (with arch support insoles, of course).
But complimentary as the term may be (it’s not) it has offended lots of people on Twitter (as everything does). One side argued that the merits of the classification illustrate why aging Millennials should hold key positions of power within a corporate hierarchy, while the other side threatened to shoot everyone into the sun with a giant cannon.
The author behind the term, Erica Dhawan, is actually a Geriatric Millennial herself. Yet for being a master of communication and one of the top 50 thinkers of her dementia-riddled age group (according to Oprah) she really could have thought of a better name for the kids who grew up playing Nintendo, wandering about the world with no cell phones or porn, and inexpediently conjured the internet from a carboard-box-like Macintosh using AOL.
We think instead of using the word “geriatric” which refers to old people needing special care, a more suitable label might have been “Anal Digit Millennials” (a lovely portmanteau of analog-digital) or “The Greatest Generation of All Time Who Never Wants To Fight A War And Knows How To Use A Computer”.
But we digress. The backlash for this unwanted new designation has been swift and brutal and hilarious. Because hell hath no fury like Geriatric Millennials scorned. Check out all the best Twitter vitriol early-’80s babies could fling with their withered arms below, then watch as they lay down on the sidewalk to take a nap.
Cover Photo: Halfpoint (Getty Images)
https://twitter.com/HenryLovesYou/status/1393213824954781700
https://twitter.com/ScottWamplerBMD/status/1393249667891220484
"Older people are often susceptible to financial scams targeting their assets. Fortunately, you don’t have to worry about this with elder millennials, as they have no assets."https://t.co/3YOQ4NDPvt
— McSweeney's (@mcsweeneys) May 21, 2021
Geriatric??? Get off my lawn. https://t.co/Pp6Vq8c7gB
— Garrett Haake (@GarrettHaake) May 14, 2021
media: millennials are literal babies
millennials: uhh we're adults actually
media: millennials are older than dirt https://t.co/12jInUoAfv— compupper (@pup_hime) May 14, 2021
shout out to everyone born between 1980 to 1985, you’ve been Gen X, Gen Y, a millennial, the Oregon trail generation, a xennial, an elder millennia, and now a *checks notes* geriatric millennial
— Indy (@IndecisiveJones) May 14, 2021
We are the Oregon Trail Generation, and if you don't address us by our formal title we WILL let you die of dysentery. https://t.co/Mdag6eli8o
— Doctor B (@TheeDoctorB) May 14, 2021
Me, as a Gen-Xer, observing the “geriatric millennial” discourse: pic.twitter.com/x5Hs0KESsU
— The Tomfoolery of Professor John Frink (@Frustrated_Fan) May 14, 2021
"Geriatric millennial" actually resonates with me very much. Like that's *exactly* how I feel.
— Jenée (@jdesmondharris) May 14, 2021
as a geriatric millennial i would like to get a discount at the movies
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) May 14, 2021
The way I'm lathering this lidocaine all over my knees…
Peak geriatric millennial.
PEAK. pic.twitter.com/uRfyVNbMMm
— in my 5th decade… (@danimosestellar) May 25, 2021
https://twitter.com/PolisLoizou/status/1393244509513916423
https://twitter.com/ohstephco1/status/1396656866508345344
From one geriatric millennial to another, here’s to enjoying our golden years together, @danshipper ???? https://t.co/9cwa1M1hua pic.twitter.com/pZ4KvwHPf3
— Nathan Baschez (@nbashaw) May 23, 2021
Geriatric Millennial Falcon pic.twitter.com/KAmEF3a6c1
— Baz McAlister (@bazmcalister) May 20, 2021
Visit the Mandatory Shop for great deals on your very own Mandatory merch.
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Weird News 5.15.21
-
Kim Kardashian Posts ‘Single and Ready’ Workout Bikini Photo With Platinum Hair, It Doesn’t Make Sense and We Don’t Care
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: Instagram
-
Meanwhile in New York: Teacher Sucked Man’s Nipples During Zoom Class, A Lesson No Student Will Ever Forget
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: 1001nights (Getty Images)
-
Sex Doll Rants About Human Race ‘Shitshow,’ Watch Her Shame You Just Like Real Girlfriend Would!
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: New York Post / Newsflare
-
Meanwhile in Hawaii: Viral Video Shows Girl Battling Shark and Miraculously Surviving, Our Pants However Did Not Fare Well in the End
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: Martin Barraud (Getty Images)
-
Jeff Bezos’ Mid-Life Crisis Looks Amazing In the Form of New $500 Million Superyacht
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: PAWAN SHARMA (Getty Images)
-
People Would Rather Browse Their Dream Homes Than Have Sex, Survey Shows Binging Zillow Is the New YouPorn
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: Portra (Getty Images)
-
Study Finds Top Dealbreaker for Relationships Is Something Your Credit Card Can Help With If You Miss Being Single (And You’re Ready to Post-Pandemic Mingle)
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: pixelfit (Getty Images)
-
‘Sexy Hunter’ Model on OnlyFans Poses With Dead Exotic Animals, Claims Her Kills Are a Form of ‘Conservation’
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: @michaelkashuntingwild (Instagram)
-
TikTok Bloating Video of Girl Before and After Eating Shows Some Women Really Do Get Us
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: TikTok
-
Meanwhile in Missouri: Couple Finds Live Bomb in Backyard, First Post-Pandemic Party Looks to Be a Bang
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: Pamela Coffey
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested After Stealing 2 Police Cruisers in Wild Car Chase (Says If You Love What You Do, You’ll Never Have to Lease a Car)
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: New York Post
-
Meanwhile in Maryland: Arsonist Watches DIY Housefire With Roommate Inside From Comfort of Lawnchair, Likely a Dishwasher Disagreement That Went Up in Flames (Video)
Click here for more weird news.
Photo: Maryland State Fire Marshall’s Office
