NASA to Test Giant Slingshot, Earth Volunteers Jeff Bezos to Be First Man Slung Into Space

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that every kid in possession of a stick, must be in want of a makeshift slingshot to haphazardly launch pebbles at the faces of friends and family. However, most people never build themselves a giant slingshot to fling objects into space at six and a half times the speed of sound. (Mostly because mom would be so mad.)

Jonathan Yaney is not like most people. The founder and CEO of California-based SpinLaunch has taken every kid’s dream and supersized it into a gargantuan reality, erecting a 300-foot tall slingshot so powerful it’ll make you wanna hurl.

We know. Orbital insertion never sounded so sexy.

Situated not far from Spaceport America in the wide-open deserts of New Mexico, the giant slingshot blots out the sun like a missing wheel from God’s shopping cart. Using centrifugal force as its designing principle, a carbon fiber arm spins objects at 5,000 mph before firing them skyward. Once Earth’s upper atmosphere is reached, small rockets attached to the payload kick into gear ensuring entry past the Kármán Line.

Consuming 30 percent less fuel than a traditional rocket launch, this ancient method of thrust hopes to reinvent the way humans get things off-world. According to Yaney, “What started as an innovative idea to make space more accessible has materialized into a technically mature and game-changing approach to launch.”

NASA agrees, recently announcing a partnership with the startup to help develop this less-expensive launch technology into the wave of the future. The best part? The current “giant” slingshot is actually just a miniature, with the next iteration destined to be three times the size. Now imagine the sheer magnitude of the penis-shaped rockets that’ll shoot out of this thing like so much billionaire sputnik. (Cue Jeff Bezos quivering with excitement.)

Told you it’d make you wanna hurl.

Cover Photo: SpinLaunch and SAJJAD HUSSAIN (Getty Images)