Photo: Icon Sportswire (Getty Images)
Cinco de Mayo is this week, and regardless of where you live and the level of your adult responsibilities, there’s a good chance you’ll have a few beers, shots of tequila, or margaritas as big as your head. While you might only have a few alcoholic beverages, there’s also a possibility you’ll go absolutely wild and drink more than you anticipated.
If you do, you might end up more closely resembling a goofy caricature of yourself as opposed to the real thing. You might even end up dancing on a table or sledding down a set of stairs in a sled. In the simplest terms, you’ll have the same mannerisms of a mascot without actually donning the furry, giant costume.
We assume you’d rather not become your town’s drunken Cinco de Mayo mascot because of your sloppy revelry, though. That’s why, instead, we decided to list five of our favorite terrible mascots from various sports teams. These animals, trees, and mysterious creatures are so ridiculous each could easily be the official mascot of horrible drunken Cinco de Mayo choices. Keep scrolling to see them all.
Cinco de Mayo Mascots
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Bernie the Brewer
Bernie the Brewer is honestly pretty boring and lame. He does speed down a slide when the Brewers hit a home run, though, and he maybe brews beer? That’s good enough for us.
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King Cake Baby
If the Stanford Tree is the worst mascot, the King Cake Baby is the most horrifying. The New Orleans Pelicans’ Mardi Gras mascot appears to be a grown man in a diaper. This is the kind of thing that can only happen after a few too many beers.
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Gritty
Gritty is new to the mascot world, but the Philadelphia Flyers mascot is a hairy monster that looks like it drank a punch bowl filled with tequila and sour mix and now wants to fight everyone. It’s probably the best possible Cinco de Mayo mascot.
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Phillie Phanatic
What is the Phillie Phanatic? It’s been around forever and we still have no idea what it has to do with the baseball team. It’s big, furry, and obviously inebriated as it lashes out at everyone for no apparent reason.
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The Stanford Tree
The Stanford Tree is quite possibly the worst mascot of all time. We don’t know what this has to do with Cinco de Mayo except for the fact that its creator was definitely drunk when he or she designed it.
