Apparently, activewear does nothing for the physique. (Or personality.) It’s surprising, because the pictures of the muscle tee and form-fitting, active-cooling track pants look so great on the packaging. But then you realize those smiling, sporty folk on the package are all models who got paid pretty good money to wear some pre-fitted version of the clothes you thought would be instantly transformational.
Why can’t there be a big red button, a magic pill, or some simple act of wizarding to get this sweet bod into shape? Why can’t fitness be easy? And as you stare out the window polishing off the remnants of last night’s fudge sundae, you notice your neighbor jogging down the street for the seventh time this week like an old man with arthritis. He looks pretty fit.
And suddenly it clicks. You realize getting into shape is easy. There’s no secret weapon or advanced methodology. All it takes is repetition. Just a little bit every day. If Doug can do it, so can you. So you dust off the peanut shavings, slap on your activewear, and run after your neighbor like a three-legged dog. For a moment, you feel the rush of excitement. You feel more alive than you have in years…until half a mile into your first jog of the decade when you realize you’d rather die than have to repeat this activity every single day for the rest of your life.
Join the club. Then sell your activewear. It’s time to enter a whole new era of you. You’ll find it somewhere inside the colorful muumuu of your choice and the recliner you’ve spent years molding into the perfect shape. Hello, summer!
Cover Photo: Nick Dolding (Getty Images)
Entertainment News 5 15 22
-
Hilary Duff Poses Nude For Sexy Magazine Spread (Lizzie McGuire Is All Grown Up!)
Read more here.
Photo: Getty Images
-
Cameron Diaz Recreates Classic ‘There’s Something About Mary’ Scene Proving She’s Still Full of Spunk
Read more here.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
-
Amy Schumer Tells Story of Son’s Conception at Netflix Is a Joke, Internet Can’t Decide If It’s Funny or Not
Read more here.
Photo: YouTube
-
Meanwhile in Ukraine: U2 Plays Surprise Acoustic Set in Kyiv Bomb Shelter, Haven’t They Suffered Enough?
Read more here.
Photo: Getty Images
-
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Awkwardly Can’t Decide Who Gets to Leave the Courtroom First
Read more here.
Photo: Getty Images
-
Our Favorite Amber Heard GIFs (Because We Probably Won’t Be Seeing Her For a While)
Read more here.
Photo: Getty Images
-
‘That ’70s Show' Gets ’90s Spinoff, Reminding Us Every Decade More Terrible Than Previous One
Read more here.
Photo: Fox
-
Yeah Baby! 25 Classic Austin Powers GIFs to Celebrate the International Man of Mystery’s 25 Shagadelic Years
Read more here.
Photo: New Line Cinema
-
Ranked! Mike Myers’ Greatest Roles (Just in Time For Netflix’s ‘The Pentaverate’)
Read more here.
Photo: Netflix
-
Mandatory Tweets: Funniest Jokes About Nick Cannon’s Mother’s Day on Twitter
Read more here.
Photo: Getty Images
