Blockbuster. Magnum. Googol. When things get too big to be described in standard terms, we create new ones. That’s why in 2019, dumpster fire served quite nicely as a phrase to perfectly capture how we felt about the constant stream of disastrous world events. But in 2022, after everything we’ve been through, dumpster fire no longer measures up. Thank god fiery landfills are here to fill the white space in our catastrophic hearts.
Snohomish County, the home of Seattle’s trash, is the scene of the impending inferno. And the reason for the fiery landfills is a simple matter of waste mismanagement. Republic Services which has handled waste in the area for the past 30 years recently suffered from a container shortage, staffing issues, and railroad transport complications. All of which sounds exactly like the excuses we gave our 4th-grade teacher when we turned up to school without our book report.
Here’s how 1,200 tons of garbage turns into Dante’s flaming asshole: As tiny bacteria feast on the organic matter within the massive trash heap, heat builds up deep within until spontaneous combustion becomes, um, not so spontaneous.
But fear not. Human waste pile operations manager Steve McLean has his team on a round-the-clock fire watch. Using temperature guns and a vigilant firehose, his men smother garbage mountain to keep things at a nice smolder. It’s a short-term fix to a long-term problem.
Luckily, Oregon waste specialists are lending a hand to push through the backlog of detritus (which only amounts to roughly a week’s worth of crap). “Stuff like this gives people a new perspective of how much we actually go through as a community,” McLean said.
In other words, our waste is finally catching up with us. But at least it’s going out in a blaze of glory.
Cover Photo: shaunl (Getty Images)
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