Horror movies and sex. Until we finally get over all our social taboos about interpersonal naked time, they’re going to be inextricably linked. The horror genre is filled wth attractive men and women of the night, but they usually just look like normal-looking sexy people, even if they’re secretly vampires or werewolves or aliens. These are the uncomfortably attractive monsters who can’t pass for “normal,” and for whom we would gladly suffer the snide comments of everyone else in the singles bar as we make our move.
The She-Gremlin, from Gremlins 2: The New Batch
The title beasties from Joe Dante’s Gremlins movies are actually asexual in origin, so it took a little genetic tampering to make one into the memorable She-Gremlin from 1990’s Gremlins 2: The New Batch. We’re not going to go so far as to say that she’s “hot,” but she’s sure hot for a Gremlin, and her unbridled libido was certainly enough to wear down her romantic conquest Robert Picardo by the end of the film. So she must be doing something right. Maybe we’ll check to see if she has a great personality first.
Celia Mae, from Monsters, Inc.
While it’s hard to sexualize the adorable monsters from Pixar’s Monsters, Inc., we’re betting a few young kids were able to put that stigma aside and develop a little crush on Jennifer Tilly’s character, Celia Mae, a kindhearted Medusa with a slender frame. It doesn’t help that she clearly has low standards, if her spherical Beta Male boyfriend Mike Wyzowski is any indication. We wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating cookies, or if her hair started gobbling up the mice in our apartment.
The Amorous Ghost, from Ghostbusters
Maybe Ray Stanz was just working too hard, or maybe it really happened, who knows? But at some point in Ivan Reitman’s Ghostbusters, an apparently stifled spook decides to put the moves on Dan Aykroyd by unzipping his pants and doing… something unnatural. Ever hear of a “butter face?” Ghostbusters introduced the seldom-used expression “butter lack of corporeal form.”
Sally, from The Nightmare Before Christmas
The living ragdoll Sally has a shapely body that seems to intentionally encourage young minds to stare at her dynamite gams. Hell, the Oogie Boogie Man couldn’t resist. The fact that her character is tailor-made (quite literally) for hot real-life Halloween costumes doesn’t hurt either.
The Sexy Nurses, from Silent Hill
We don’t know what is up with the nurses’ faces in the Silent Hill movies, but these ladies are nevertheless stacked, and that is a definite fact. Although the creatures were created for the video game Silent Hill 2 to symbolize the male protagonist’s stifled libido, making their presence in the original film, which stars a happily married maternal woman with no apparent body issues, extremely confusing, we’re willing to put that aside. In a dark room anyway.
Dren, from Splice
An artificially created organism, Dren advances to sexual maturity so fast that her own creators have trouble resisting her creepy advances. She’s a little strange-looking, and we might take issue with her sprouting new body parts mid-coitus, but we still think we can make it work.
Shuna Sassi, from Nightbreed
One of the many monsters hiding from humanity in Clive Barker’s Nightbreed, Shuna Sassi is a buxom beauty with only one drawback: she’s covered in deadly, apparently poisonous spikes. How do you have sex with Shuna Sassi? Very, very, very carefully.
Grendel’s Mother, from Beowulf
Angelina Jolie redefined “MiLF” in Robert Zemeckis’s Beowulf, playing the demonic mother of Grendel, a creature slain by the title character. Her revenge is getting Beowulf to impregnate her with another demon spawn, which doesn’t seem like such a bad deal to us. Only the plastic, highly artificial motion-capture animation keeps Grendel’s mom out of our #1 slot.
The Bride, Bride of Frankenstein
Even though she’s the title character, the bride of Frankenstein’s monster only appears in one scene during the James Whale classic, but thanks to hottie Elsa Lanchester (who also plays the novel’s author, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, in the prologue) she’s unforgettable. Oh, and also thanks to that hair. We’re not usually “big hair” guys, but we’ll make an exception for the first iconic horror movie hottie in history.
Julie Walker, from Return of the Living Dead 3
Another re-animated corpse, but another story altogether. After initiating an ill-timed crotch grab, Julie Walker (Melinda Clarke) dies in a motorcycle accident. Her boyfriend brings her back to a top secret military base, brings her back from the dead, and suffers the consequences, one of which is looking at how damned sexy she is. We’d hit that even if it killed us… which of course naturally it would.
