On the last episode of The B-Movies Podcast (which was, for those of you who are counting, episode number 121), William “Bibbs” Bibbiani and I reviewed Furious 6 (whose official title is, I guess, Fast & Furious 6), and we agreed that this Fast & Furious series, as it grows older and more ridiculous, it gets more and more fun. Usually by part five in any series, things start to run dry, or become so insular, less couth critics may start using certain popular phrases that allude to backsides and where the series is disappearing up into.
Thanks to a little regular article I have been writing for a few years now (I politely implore you to check out The Series Project) , I am well-versed in long-running series, and I have seen many, many film series that have managed to stretch to part VI. In honor of Furious 6, and as part of an interesting cognitive exercise that will most assuredly prove something or other, I am going to rifle through my cerebral cortex of all the cinematic part sixes I have seen in my life, and see what conclusions I can come to about any film series’ episode VI. There’s a lot, so let’s just get to it. Indeed, for the sake of brevity, I will not include remakes. Indeed, if there’s any controversy at all as to a film’s sixth-ness, I will not talk about it here. Sorry Planet of the Apes remake. Sorry Marvel’s The Avengers.
In no particular order…
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (dir. Joe Chappelle, 1995)
Psychedelic and sloppy, the 6th Halloween movie was intended to be a final explanation as to why the undying Michael Myers cannot die, and why he likes to kill people. It turns out he was cursed by a Satanic coven of some sort, and was employed as their supernatural boogeyman, pitted against his own family members. The curse not only drives him to kill, but keeps him alive. The film ended with Michael being drugged a lot by Paul Rudd. Lesson learned: Part sixes are origin stories and are psychedelic.
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (dir. Rachel Talalay, 1991)
Intended to be the final Nightmare on Elm Street film (but eventually followed by three more films with Freddy in them), Freddy’s Dead is also pretty psychedelic, skewing toward a bizarre cartoon landscape of nightmares and fantasies. This is the one where Freddy uses a Nintendo Power Glove, and kills a deaf kid by scraping his mails on a chalkboard. Also the 3-D stuff. Not an origin story, but a death story. Lesson learned: Part sixes are kill films, and are psychedelic.
Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI (dir. Tom McLoughlin, 1986)
Jason died at the end of each one of his Friday the 13th films, and it wasn’t until Jason Goes to Hell that they would try to declare his death final (even though there would be three more movies to feature him as as well). In this one, Tommy from the last few films would try to dig up Jason’s body and murder him once and for all, only to leave a metal stake in his chest that would be struck by lightning. This would resurrect Jason, and establish that, no matter how long he has been dead, or where he is (say, at the bottom of a lake), one can merely shock him back to life. Lessons learned: Part sixes introduce a new conceit into the mix that hasn’t been tried yet.
The Howling VI: The Freaks (dir. Hope Perello, 1991)
The Howling movies barely connect at all, and this was the first film in the series to have not only the expected werewolves in it, but also a vampire lord who would eventually do battle with the innocent werewolf boy he sought to imprison in his unholy freak circus. I like this one better than most of the crappy sequels. Lessons Learned: New ideas can be introduced at any time.
Saw VI (dir. Kevin Greutert, 2009)
The Saw movies should be noted for their tight-knit and extremely convoluted chronology, which features multiple films that occur over the same time period, secret acolytes, and flashbacks within flashbacks. The penultimate chapter in the series depicted the original killer’s widow carrying out a series of elaborate death games with his chief follower John who had gone off the rails in Saw V. The series is so very far up one of its orifices that only the most hardcore fans will be able to discern what’s going on. Lessons learned: Sixth films get lost in their own mythology.
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (dir. Rick Bota, 2002)
Hellraiser parts five through nine were all straight-to-video films, and parts five through seven all featured the exact same story: An amoral jerk would find the infamous cursed puzzle box, solve it, be stalked for 90-odd minutes by ghoulish visions of monsters, and eventually be told that they were in Hell this whole time by Pinhead. The sixth film is only notable for the return of Ashley Laurence, star of the first two Hellraiser movies. Lessons learned: Sixth films are often part of their own tone or storyline, separate from the original film. Although attempts will be made to link them to the first.
Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (dir. Tony Randel, 1992)
This is the one with the wonky Amityville clock, displaced to a new home, that sends people backward and forward in time for brief periods. It’s about time. The notion that a single haunted Amityville object could infect new houses was introduced in the 4th of the series. Lessons learned: Sixth films continue a new conceit introduced late in the series
Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (dir. Steven Ayromlooi, 2003)
The fifth film in the Leprechaun series was set in The Hood, and was easily one of the dumbest sequels to any dumb movie ever made. The fifth film was, however, oddly popular, and so the filmmakers decided to continue with that notion, and keep the little demonic Irish imp in the same setting. The film is better made but far less spirited than its predecessor. Lessons learned: Sixth films continue the “refreshed” notions presented in the fifth chapters.
Curse of the Puppet Master (dir. David DeCoteau, 1998)
This was the one where a local lunkheaded Lenny-from-Of-Mice-And-Men type began having nightmares about being infected and transformed by Toulon’s killer puppets into a puppet himself. And a local girl flirts with him. And his soul is eventually shunted into a killer robot puppet with a TV for a face and electric powers. It was filmed on the cheapest of cheaps, and may take place, chronologically, last in the series. Lessons learned: Just don’t watch this one.
The Brotherhood VI: Initiation (dir. David DeCoteau, 2009)
Billed as softcore gay warlock shenanigans by most everyone, the Brotherhood series disappoints on almost every level. Only one of the films features any actual gay action (well, two, if you count The Sisterhood as part of the series), and the films are so inanely plotted they don’t work as thrillers. The sixth film is about an underwear-heavy frat hazing ritual at a lake where a killer is lurking, all unconnected to any of the other movies. The twists hardly matter. Lessons learned: Sixth films take a long running series, and subject them to old-fashioned genre tropes.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (dir. Peter R. Hunt, 1969)
The sixth James Bond movie was the first and only film with George Lazenby in the central role. The film also attempts to give the character a love interest in Diana Rigg, and actually give him some character depth, not really tried in the first five James Bond movies. This chapter is rollicking fun, and often underrated. Lessons learned: Sixth films try a new direction, while paying homage to the old.
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (dir. George Lucas, 2005)
If one counts The Star Wars Holiday Special in Star Wars canon, then this is technically the seventh Star Wars feature film, but it was the 6th theatrical release. It was the third part of a single story arc involving the young Darth Vader and how he became the black-suited badass we saw in the 1977 original. The film was a giant climax, a storytelling mess, and pioneered an ugly brand of CGI-heavy filmmaking into the world. Lessons learned: Sixth films build and build until they are so over-the-top dumb, you have to roll your eyes.
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (dir. Nicholas Meyer, 1991)
One of the better of the Star Trek films, this part VI was a great way to bow out of the series. It was the one that drew end-of-the-Cold-War parallels with the Klingons, and had that really cool murder mystery plot. I think part V was intended to be the final film, but it was so widely hated, a sixth became necessary. I love it. Lessons learned: Sixth films are final chapters and can clean up messes.
Rocky Balboa (dir. Sylvester Stallone, 2006)
Made many years after Rocky V, this film was kind of like a last hurrah for the character, showing Rocky in his later years, settled into a world of loneliness and restaurant ownership, called back into the ring to fight one final fight with a hotshot upstart. He has to train, even in his 60s, to prove to himself he can still fight. Lessons learned: An old hero can be put into a new idiom (see Herbie: Fully Loaded below), and be given a final hurrah.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (dir. David Yates, 2009)
Oh man, these films just started to run together after a while. Is this the one where Dumbledore dies? How did he die again? Oh yeah, Alan Rickman murdered him to prove to the bad guy that he was also bad. This was also the one where Harry got to kiss Ron’s little sister in an attic. This sixth film was part of a four-film cycle of hyper-sped-up events that were hard to track. Lessons learned: Sixth films become too involved in their own mythology, and rely too heavily on the previous movies.
Herbie: Fully Loaded (dir. Angela Robinson, 2005)
This was the first Herbie movie in nearly a decade, and the titular living Volkswagen finds himself in the hands of a hot-dogging teenage girl named Maggie, who would rather race cars than go to college. Herbie teaches her valuable lessons, all within a modern-day NASCAR milieu. It’s sweet and childish and a fine chapter in a long-running series of sweet and silly movies. Lessons learned: Sixth films can be loving homages to original films, only set in a new universe.
Revenge of the Pink Panther (dir. Blake Edwards, 1978)
Most of the films in the long-running Pink Panther franchise have a cold opening, completely ignoring the previous chapters in most every regard other than a few comic setups (Dreyfus is crazy, Clouseau is bumbling). This one was the last one made with Peter Sellers, and had a bunch of racist jokes. It was kid-friendly and the slapstick surpassed the plot. Lessons learned: Sixth films can try to ring out the series, but end up falling flat.
Muppets from Space (dir. Tim Hill, 1999)
The third movie in the 1990s cycle of Muppet movies, Muppets from Space involved the Great Gonzo, and his obsession with finding another member of his species. It turns out that Gonzo was from space, and his biological family are aliens. The Muppets are for kids, but all the previous chapters had a weird, self-referential maturity. This one does not, and skews young. Lessons learned: Sixth films delve into the characters’ pasts, and shift demographics.
Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return (dir. Kari Skogland, 1999)
Isaac returns. People die. Stuff happens. Corn is consumed. A woman is strangled by corn in a bathtub. Two youngsters hose each other down in a barn. Did I mention Isaac returns? Lessons learned: See Hellraiser: Hellseeker.
Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (dir. Peter Bonerz, 1989)
This is the one with the evil gang who invades the city. No, Steve Guttenberg hasn’t appeared in one of these since part 4. It felt like a re-up after the awful part 5, although part 4 was nothing to write home about either. I can’t see why the series continued for as long as it did, but at least they seemed to be shooting for something other than “way stupid” with this one. Lessons learned: Sometimes you just have to let the comedy series go.
To be discussed later: Pokèmon: Jirachi: Wishmaker and Do Or Die. Because I’m tired.
Witney Seibold is a featured contributor on the CraveOnline Film Channel, co-host of The B-Movies Podcast and co-star of The Trailer Hitch. You can read his weekly articles B-Movies Extended, Free Film School and The Series Project, and follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind. If you want to buy him a gift (and I know you do), you can visit his Amazon Wish List.
