Cosplay stands for “Costume Play”. Don’t let the cool name those involved have christened it with fool you, “cosplay” just means people dressing up in costumes. We used to call it Halloween, and it was once a year. Now, it’s every damn convention that might charitably be aligned with something having to do with pop culture. Lots of people love cosplay; I’m not one of them. My recent jaunt to SDCC cemented my disdain for this whole fad. Why? Well, funny you should ask. Here are six reasons to hate cosplay.
Related: Comic-Con 2014 Cosplay Gallery
This is not directed at little kids, or parents of little kids dressing up to make it more fun for their child. People like you rock.
(Note: Views expressed in this article are that of the individual author, not that of CraveOnline)
Six Reasons I Hate Cosplay
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Manga/Japanimation
I don’t know what it is, but most of the time I was being jostled, stepped on, or bumped into, it was by somebody dressed as Piku Chikka Uku GooGoo GaaGaa, or some other insipid Manga/Japanimation character. I’m psyched you can style your hair, dye it bright colors, and staple a stuffed animal to yourself, but how about watching out for those of us who don’t look like we got the shit kicked out of us by a box of Lucky Charms. The characters you’re styling yourselves after mostly have giant eyes and scream a lot. So open your eyes, and open your mouths and say, “Excuse me”.
Credit: Tony Forte/WENN
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Know Your Character
Good for you, you saw all the Marvel movies and you’ve decided you’re into comic books now. How about before you dress up like a character, you learn about them. When I ask which Flash are you, don’t say “The fastest one”. Don’t correct me when I say “Nice Green Arrow outfit” by exclaiming “Uh. No. It’s Arrow”. Wolverine has three claws, not four. Thor’s hammer is not called Mojo, and Superior Spider-Man does not mean you’ve been going to Crossfit more often to “lift bro”. Seriously, if you feel the need to don a costume, have some clue what you’re getting into.
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You’re Not Going Home With The Hot Cosplay Chick
Watching guys leer at the stripper Catwoman, or the corset-busting Goth Harley Quinn is nauseating, and it usually holds up the crowd. So many times I’d have to push through three or more guys trying to hit on the cleavage heaving Power Girl, the sexy Thor girl, or the hot Supergirl. It’s not only frustrating in terms of forward motion; it’s also embarrassing as a man. The age-old idea that you are not going home with the hot bartender, should be replaced with you are not going home with the hot Cosplay chick. If she looks like that, she has a boyfriend, if she’s single, she doesn’t want to go home with the creepy guy drooling on her cape. All you’ve done is skeeved her out, and made traveling from one end of the convention to the other take three times as long.
Credit: Forty Seven/WENN.com
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“Will somebody get this walking carpet outta my way”
I’ll bet, while you were putting the final touches on your oversized Styrofoam axe for the video game character you love, or you were painting the over-sized hammer for your Joker costume, you didn’t give a moments thought to those of us walking through the convention. A comic-con is a mass of humanity shoved together, walking like cows into a slaughterhouse. What doesn’t make this congregation of sweat and stink any better, is being hit in the head with fake weapons.
You made real arrows for your Green Arrow costume? Congrats buddy, you almost gouged my eye out. Love that demon costume, especially the four-foot wingspan that keeps jabbing me in the ear. I understand you Cosplay folks love to accessorize, but how about thinking it through before hand?
Credit: Susanne Döpke/Future Image/WENN.com
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Dress for the character your body is, not the character you want your body to be
High birth weight Wonder Woman? Captain America, who looks like he was trapped in pudding, not ice. These are things that make it hard to stand Cosplayers. If you ask me what would make your skintight Spider-Man costume look better, and I reply “Crunches. Perhaps a squat thrust or two”, then you shouldn’t be wearing it. Batman’s gut doesn’t hang over his belt; if you’re going to be Logan in a tank top, try to avoid looking like your mutant healing ability doesn’t include digestion. If you’re too fat to Cosplay, DON’T! I know people will say, “Iann you’re a big guy”. My response? “Yes, and I’m not wearing skintight costumes now am I.”
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Crowds
Outside of the leering nerd trying to get laid, the non-stop parade of Instagram addicts taking pictures of Cosplayers is also crazy making. How many fucking pictures of Superman or Hulk do you need? Why do you stop and take a photo of a guy whose Deadpool costume is a pair of red jeans and a store bought mask? Movement through the convention becomes jogging through quicksand, simply because twenty five people decide, all at once, that they have to snap a shot of whatever random Cosplayer strolls by them.
What are you going to do with these pictures anyway? There’s internet porn for that, and you won’t be screwing up my ability to get where I’m going. Do you collect them? Photos of strangers in costumes? Well, that means you need some kind of psychiatric care. Perhaps if the photo hounds didn’t feed the Cosplayer egos, we could have a convention devoid of "Hot Batgirl" traffic.
