There comes a time in (almost) every man’s life when he leans away from the slurry, sloppy nights of draught beer, painful hangovers and bad decisions, and makes a hard right towards drinking like a classy gentleman. Since not
all of you are there, it’s our job to steer the wagon you may have fallen off of in the right direction before it crashes into the neighbors’ living room. It starts with what a man drinks, where he drinks it and who he drinks it with. So come along, but grab a cold one first.
Quality Over Quantity
Drinking, for a man in his twenties, can be a blurry, full-time entry-level job that has him convinced the more he drinks, the cooler he’ll seem. His twenties also happen to be the most financially unstable years, so it is with great math skill and a light wallet that he reaches for the cheap cargo load of discount bottom-of-the-barrel skunk beer. This elementary routine continues for some time until the late night mistakes, lost security deposits and low standard slumber party guests begin to add up to a lot of drinker’s remorse.
It’s at this turning point that a man learns to class it up, raise the bar and drink like a gentleman and not just another confused, meathead frat boy. The need for speed becomes less urgent, and suddenly a man finds himself casually enjoying his sophisticated drink because it tastes good and rewards him for a job well done. People start to notice how well he handles himself, and before long, this guy is drinking only his favorite spirits but still partying like a sailor in port without the puke stains or broken amenities to show for it. Now, everyone wants to buy him a drink and enjoy one with him.
Less Is More
As a man moves away from quantity, quality quickly becomes more imperative, especially as his taste buds mature, along with his company. Suddenly, countless shots of Jack Daniels and sugary soda drinks seem less appealing than a nice glass of good whiskey or a well-made craft cocktail. Not to say a classy guy is only the Don Draper-type alone at the end of the bar sipping strong drinks in a fancy suit, waiting to meet your girlfriend’s acquaintance. A classy guy drinks what he likes – be it aged scotch or cranberry cocktails – and doesn’t let money, crowds or routine influence him. He likes a little of a good, strong drink more than a lot of a sad, bad one.
Suddenly, he finds himself home at a decent hour, well-rested in the morning and sipping coffee rather than Bloody Marys to reverse his woes, reading the paper rather than holding his head in his hands. The days become exciting rather than burdening, and this addicting lifestyle takes hold. The idea of enjoying one’s life rather than feeling constantly beat down by it is in full effect.
Atmosphere
At one point or another, a lightbulb usually turns on – an epiphany telling a man he no longer needs to go places he doesn’t want to go and spend what little free time he has with people he doesn’t much like, doing things he doesn’t care for. Maybe it’s an age thing – around the latter half of the twenties – or maybe just a building sickness of being around things that hold little meaning. Crowded bro bars, skirt-chasing that offers short-lived smiles and smelly dives smelling of burnt plastic and yesterday’s vomit suddenly fade away, and a man realizes he doesn’t mind going alone – if that’s what it takes – to some place that makes him genuinely happy.
For the man who visits the same sweat-stained watering hole, it may be time to reach outside the comfort zone for something that sends him home with a little self-respect, rather than a pocketful of remorse and half-eaten chicken wings. A bar with a quality jukebox – typically nothing post 1984 – and an attentive, reputable barkeep who only takes cash and puts it in a real register is the thing to look for. A rare gem that can’t hold more drinkers than a single barmaid can handle, not some Americanized franchise that’s on every block. It keeps the noise level down, the good conversation flowing and just enough room for anyone to stand up and shake it to a little “Roadhouse Blues,” should the moment strike.
You don’t need to wear a suit to drink with class; just be confident enough to drink comfortably in a place not covered in peanut shells, knowing you’re worth a couple extra bucks each drink.
The Company He Keeps
With whom a man spends his time says more about him than anything he could ever say or drink. The atmosphere usually dictates the night’s events and the time to be had, good or bad, but the company he keeps will dictate the atmosphere, because although he may show up with good people, the fellow bar constituents are also his friends for the night. Remember that.
Going to the wrong joint will surround a man with the wrong people – the wrong women especially, and when mother meets Mrs. Wrong, she’ll know which type of bars her son has spent his nights in, and she won’t bother bragging about her honor roll student again. That sticker will come right off the bumper of her sedan, and eventually there will be a bloodshot morning of waking up in a stranger’s living room only to realize you’re that 45-year-old guy who’s been doing beer bongs with guys young enough to be your sons. Don’t become that man, have a little respect for yourself and order from the top shelf, gentlemen.
Also, don’t forget to leave a good tip.
