Got a fancy college degree, and all the glory that comes along with it? Yeah, we’re talking about eye-watering debt, dim career prospects and more than a few maxed-out credit cards. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that more fully-grown guys are living with their parents today than any other time in history. And though you might find yourself saving on rent, you’ll surely pay in other ways …
THE GOOD
College refrigerators only accommodate condiments and 12-packs. Thank god Ma has the variety that’s magically always filled with actual edibles.
Your parents’ lives are small (screen) — as such, they’re likely hooked up with premium cable. And you can easily set up the child lock on their DVR to keep them out of their own technology, which is ready for your appropriation!
Gone are the days of inside-out underwear freshness! Moms almost universally love doing laundry — make her happy, and leave your dirty clothes scattered about the floor. You’ll help give her purpose.
THE BAD
You really don’t want to tell the girl you’ve been talking to at the bar that, should you end up going back to ‘your’ place it’ll involve sneaking in through a window. But you won’t actually be lying if you just say you’ve got quirky, older roommates, right?
Expect to be summonsed each and every time Ma receives a FarmVille invite on the Facebooks.
Not only do your parents not understand why you’re still unemployed — they really don’t get why you won’t let them send your resume to Uncle Morty’s friend Bob who “works in computers” for consideration.
THE UGLY
Things have really spiced up between your folks ever since they (briefly) became empty nesters. Don’t be surprised if you find them spooning on the couch, or hear rhythmic creaking and other noises that will forever haunt your ear holes.
Almost as hard as convincing her to come over and sleep with you in the first place … but there’s no turning back now. Even if your mom catches you and asks this girl (what was her name again?) to stay for the most awkward morning-after breakfast ever.
Gone are the lazy afternoon wake-ups to pizza and Netflix. “Wasting a whole day” has gone from enthusiastic past-time to shameful sin in her bespectacled eyes. Sigh very muchly.
