When it comes to selling pot to a pothead, you don’t exactly need much salesmanship. Still, it helps to have catchy names for your weed strains. Ranking the top 20, we have what we believe to be a comprehensive list of the catchiest strain names for legalized marijuana.
We’re not saying roll up a fatty and have a laugh, but basically that’s just another way of putting the idea in your foggy brain. Maybe you could learn some useful ways legalizing the stickiest of the icky can benefit people who don’t smoke.
20. Brain Freeze
A sativa (high more than stoned, lighter than indica) dominant hybrid, this little sucker is covered in crystals and lives up to its name with its berry aroma, a little more fun than taking a huge bite of a snow cone (conveniently snow cap is also a strain).
19. Accidental Tourist
Labeled as a hybrid but hitting like an indica (more stoned than high, full body), Accidental Tourist is not for the common fainter. The name kind of says it all. Try this with virgin lungs and find yourself getting escorted out of Red Lobster bottomless with no idea how you got there.
18. Purple Monkey Balls
We just like saying it. Mixing Grand Daddy Purp and Afghan Kush, two of the heaviest indica, makes for a super dominant indica cross that will likely make you feel as though you’ve been — yes, here it comes — hit in the face with purple monkey balls. Or was it your balls? Am I high?
17. Jerry Garcia Kush
The man has both a catchy weed strain and a flavor of Ben & Jerry’s named after him. Coincidence? No way, not one bit. This indica, according to common strain encyclopedia, is a flavorful, rocking indica with massive potential for bigs hits and sexy times. Yeah, it suits him.
16.Charlie Sheen
We’re not saying it gives you AIDS, as it was popular back when Sheen was just his usual weird self, but Charlie Sheen OG is parented by Green Crack, Blue Dream and OG Kush, so even his weed strain is no stranger to heavy orgies.
15. Chernobyl
Sherbert lovers will get a kick out of Chernobyl, which despite its name, isn’t too scary, and surprisingly a lighter, sativa-dominant hybrid. Expect “dreamy, long-lasting cerebral effects.” Yep, that’s exactly how people define Chernobyl.
14. Fallbrook Redhair
Sounds like one of our seasonal beers, doesn’t it? It’s not, but it’ll give you a good buzz just the same. It actually is commonly grown in the mountains of San Diego, and is known for its little red hairs.
13. Ninja Turtles Kush
This strain, known for its potent berry goodness, is hilarious to us just imagining someone smoking this and expecting to be anything close to a ninja. Best to stay seated on the couch until the ride is over. There’s also a Casey Jones strain, if you’re feeling particular.
12. SinMint Cookies
Most avid smokers know about Girl Scout Cookies. No, not those kind of Girl Scout cookies. But Sin Mint takes things to a new level, looking and tasting just as dangerously delicious as the actual cookies themselves. Coincidentally, this strain will likely make you go through a few boxes.
11. Bob Saget OG
Also known as “The Bob,” this sufficiently sativa strain had people thinking they were getting something Bob Marley-esque. Instead, they got the weed you smoke before you stress clean. It’s a complex gene pool of three individual hybrid strains, a random cocktail of S.A.G.E. and FoCo and Hanis, each of which can be broken down to their own strains, containing chocolate flavors and probably traces of Windex (joking). It’s a lot but we expect nothing simple for such a complex guy: part Danny Tanner, part Hollywood potty mouth.
10. White Girl OG
It’s not a cross of Barry White and Girl Scout Cookies, but that is a thing. This is probably the kind of weed that makes you talk a lot about yourself…very loudly. Probably doesn’t make you a very good driver either. All we know is it’s indica and it hurts so good.
9. Goofy Boots
Not much is known about this strain online, but its name might suggest reference to the stoner classic, “Rolling Kansas.” The strain itself and the idea of a good stoner flick together tell us it’s a keeper.
8. Green Crack
There’s no point in sugar coating it, especially when there’s crystals already coating it. It’s at least more subtle than Crystal Meth OG. Green Crack is one of the most popular and adored sativas, and it’s used to cross in other hybrids.
7. Sex OG
A no-nonsense name with a full-frontal high, what could be better? It’s an extreme indica hybrid with a likely mix of Afghan and other pungent strains. Just be careful who you smoke it with, boys and girls.
6. Puss Kush
We know cats are assholes, so it makes sense there’d be this funny strain to pay tribute. Thought to be of the Bubba Kush lineage, this indica probably smells as strong as it sounds. That, and Cat Piss, another kitty reference weed strain.
5. Schnazzleberry
The snauzzberries taste like snauzzberries? No, no. Schnazzleberry. This hybrid runs right down the middle, 50/50, between the sativa/indica families. Mixed with The Dom and DJ Short Blueberry, this super stoner ditty will be like taking a bite out of a big berry pie, which might not sound like a bad idea once you’re high and looking for IHOP at 2 a.m.
4. Barack O Bubba
This and Obama OG salute our parting leader. It’s a strong, reliable indica that will revolutionize your life, hopefully for the better. Sound familiar? Poor guy smokes a little weed and look what happens: two popular weed strains in his name. Is this what he meant by ObamaCare?
3. Chuck Norris Black & Blue Dream
It’s said to have a real “kick” [holds for applause]. Chuck Norris hasn’t endorsed this, as he doesn’t need it to achieve a perfect roundhouse kick, but it is parented by Blue Dream, one of the dreamiest of the sativa strains.
2. Alaskan Thunder Fuck
Also known as Matanuska Thunder Fuck, ATF is said to eff you up real nice, one of the most popular Northern California strains with hints of Afghan as well. If you try it after hearing the name, don’t say you were never warned.
1. Donkey Dick
We literally just LOL’ed when we saw this. The fact that someone heard that name (and the fact it’s from Canada) and thought it was a good use of their money mystifies us. That’s how they do it on Vancouver Island. We can’t help those people, but it makes you wonder how this indica’s name came to be.
