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The sole purpose of tests in school is to create havoc and cause unnecessary stress to young people, possibly contributing to high blood pressure later in life. Let’s be honest – most of the tests given by professors nowadays aren’t there to actually test your knowledge. What they actually do is test your short-term memory (cause you only start learning just before an exam) and your ability to notice useless information in fine print. So, it’s only natural that you would try to skip this arduous task and we’re here to help you. Here is a short and pithy guide on how to cheat on a test.
Preparation Process
Before we offer you some incredibly useful cheating techniques, you need to understand how the entire process works, so you would know what to expect and when to resort to cheating. When preparing for a test, you undoubtedly have to go through 5 distinct phases:
- Unfounded optimism – this is something that appears as soon as you hear the professor announce the test and realize you have weeks before you. At this point, you start thinking about how life-changing it would be to get an A. You could get into a good college and become a famous lawyer that will earn lots of money and change cars every day. This enthusiasm, however, disappears with time.
- Blissful oblivion – as time goes by, your mind gets occupied with other things and you forget about the upcoming test. This is the time of happiness and serenity. Your brain is actually blotting out any memory of that dull school task and you’re free to commit to anything else without a sense of guilt or apprehension.
- Sudden panic – the period of blissful oblivion usually ends abruptly, triggered by a word or a random thought. “Test? What test?” And then it hits you. It hits you like a ton of bricks, as they say, but harder and with more dire consequences. At this point, you quickly go through your options.
- Moral transgression – the last step includes coming to terms with your fate and deciding to cheat. This is where you begin researching the best ways to pull it off. Thankfully, you have our little guide, so you have nothing to worry.
Cheating Techniques
Now, cheating is a fairly delicate matter. You need to take a couple of things into consideration immediately. First of all, if it takes you a lot more time to make the cheat sheet than it takes to learn for the actual test, it isn’t worth it. Secondly, keep in mind that if you get caught, there might be some fairly serious consequences, much worse than simply failing a test, so weigh out the pros and cons. Thirdly, and lastly, you need to understand that even the greatest technique in the world won’t be worth anything if you don’t know how to use it. It takes a good cheater to cheat. With all that in mind, here are some great techniques to get you through this hellish probation.
Message in a Bottle
One of the most effective methods for cheating on a test is the so-called Message in a Bottle. This is a fairly common practice that works quite well, mainly because no professor is so evil to ban you from using water bottles during an exam, regardless of how strict he usually is. All you need to do is carefully take the label off the bottle, write down the info you want on the inside of it and glue it back onto the bottle. That way you can see through the bottle while still being fairly discrete. Another good option here is to get a non-transparent drink inside like, say, Coke and drink some off the top. The black color of the drink will hide the cheat sheet and you will be able to see it just by tilting the bottle a little bit (to take a sip of this carbonated delight). You should also write down your info on just one side of the bottle so that you can, if necessary, rotate the bottle and stop your professor from spotting it.
Exam Allergies
We’ve already stated that most professors aren’t so evil to stop you from bringing a bottle to your exam as a means of refreshment and rehydration, but it goes double for tissues and handkerchiefs. There are two paths you can go with this. You can either say that you have an allergy (especially if it’s spring) and that your eyes keep watering, or you could just pretend to be sad. With this one, however, you will have to be quite convincing and come up with a believable reason. “My goldfish died,” or “this test is so moving” simply won’t work, so try to think of something that’s really happening in your life. Write down your answers inside one of the tissues, so that you can quickly glance at it before using it and dispose of the evidence. You can be certain that no one will go through used tissues, no matter how dedicated they are to their job.
