Photo: Alan Powdrill (Getty Images)
Relationships have changed, haven’t they? Back in our grandparents’ day, you asked a girl to be your wife without taking her out for a spin, and 50 years later they’re trying to celebrate their unimaginable life together while you piss and moan throughout its entirety. It’s disgusting, isn’t it, that simple happiness we once had?
Nowadays, relationships are a bit more complicated, especially with the invention of ridiculous Tinder profiles, Netflix and Chill, and the ever-present option of being an aimless, free-spirited millennial. But the upside to this loosey-goosey love life is we’re starting to pinpoint as to when relationships are about to fall apart, and maybe with a little help, it’s not too late, you cheating sexless dirtbags.
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Thanks to some lovely ladies who wish to remain anonymous, we’ve come into some insightful statistics on the evolution of intimacy over time by DrEd.com. Turns out, in our vast and seemingly limitless resources, people have never had more potential, yet also never more reason to stray.
Check out these bone-chilling stats taken in a survey of 2,000 people about infidelity for both sexes and various orientations between Americans and Europeans as we untangle the rope of sex and lies between those who tied the knot and those who did not, but beware, your love for relationships might be hanging by a thread in the end. Another option: Stick around and fix what’s wrong. We’ll give you a hint (no, it’s not a GPS app to track your husband’s every motion). Communication, people! Half of you majored in it (zing!). Now set your phone down and learn.
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Relationship Fall Apart
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Regardless of Relationship Status, People Are Definitely Fornicating
This dating app epidemic isn't keeping people down. In fact, they're quite up for fornicating two to three times a week.
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1 in 10 Women Unfaithful After 4 Years
While that 10 percent from the survey is unfortunate, it's a lot lower than you might imagine. Still, it raises the question about becoming complacent with your sex life after a certain point (4 or more years). What can be done about this? Well...
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Most People Believe Cheating Is Wrong, But...
About 90 percent of people will agree it's morally wrong, yet more than 30 percent of married people admit to cheating. Based on the 1 in 10 rule of women, it appears men stray a little more. But where can we fix that? Well...
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38 Percent of Gay Couples Waited Less Than a Week for Sex
Compared to straight couple who couldn't make it a week (18 percent), gay couples have the race won on grinding a bit more quickly (38 percent). Thanks, Grindr.
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Two-Thirds of Straight Couples Wait Less Than a Month to Do It
Nearly two-thirds (63 percent) of straight couples admit they couldn't make it a whole month. Well, if you cut out unics (so to speak) and Catholic guilt, yeah, that makes about sense. How long are you supposed to wait, until marriage? More than you can imagine end in divorce (props, Hank Moody).
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One-Night Stands Are More for Men
I mean, it's probably alright for everyone involved (depending on the amount of alcohol consumed), but... survey says 64 percent of men climax every time during one-night stands, while only 11 percent of women. Is that surprising? Men are lazy and lack focus, and women are like time bombs you have to disarm with your tongue. Once we pop, it's lights out, especially if there's alcohol involved, which, more often than not in one-night stands, there's some liquid courage going on.
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Half of Men Climax, While Only a Quarter of Women Do
Again, more than half of men climax, only this with their long-term partner, while again the women take the backseat. "Backseat" isn't one of those weird sex tricks, like a Dirty Sanchez or Angry Dragon. Actually, maybe it is...Men are cruel, no wonder they come more.
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54 Percent of Singles Like the Light On
And only 43 percent of married couples leave the light on. That's the definition of "shame." Keep it down, your kids are trying to sleep!
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Most Men Actually Prefer Sober Sex Eventually
Over the course of a relationship, men's preference for sloppy drunk sex tends to drop in percentage from 48 percent in the first few months to 18 percent long term. Maybe that's an age thing, or maybe men are wising up to women, slowly but surely.
But according to Jerry Seinfeld, 95 percent of people are undatable. So how are all these people getting together?
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Brits Are Twice as Unlikely to Use Sex Toys
Twice as many Brits (22%) have foregone the use of sex toys compared to Americans (11%). Over here in America, we assume Brits have boring, stuffy sex, but maybe it's us who have lost our way with inserting exciting objects into the opposite (or same, no judgment) sex. No, no, we've moved on to electing officials who just grab them by the genitals.
