Guys, you’ve been there. We all have. The first date is out of this world, and you can’t wait for the second one. But a lot can happen between the first two dates, and a lot does happen. This week’s edition of Risky Tips takes us in the belly of the beast, actually the mind of Kate Quigley, who knows exactly what turns women off between dates one and two. When you’re done here, check out Kate’s latest #DateFails podcast below.
More ‘Risky Tips’ from Kate Q: The Dos And Don’ts of DMs
Inside Kate Q’s head: The Delicate Art Of The Booty Call
Follow Kate on Instagram and subscribe to her YouTube.
Risky Tips 220
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Keep in Touch But Keep It Brief
One and done, boys. Two at most. After that, your odds of lobbing a nasty curveball increases exponentially.
This seems to be where most men freak a girl out. If you seem too excited before we really know you, it’s a little much. I know it’s confusing because women love attention and complain that you don’t text enough, but we usually save that for later in the relationship.
When you start acting like a boyfriend before we’ve dated, it takes you quickly from cute guy with potential to creepy guy with possible Ted Bundy backstory.
Be the mysterious guy a girl gets excited to see pop up on their lock screen, not some creep we'll see a Netflix special on in a year.
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Confirm (Or We'll Ghost Your Ass)
It’s sad we live in such flakey times, but we do. Most daters tend to make plans, then ghost last minute. We get it, sometimes (OK, always) staying home sounds better.
So send a text the day before: “Still good for tomorrow night? I’m looking forward to it.”
Then hit her up around lunch time the actual day of with the actual plan. Keep it simple but have something for us. You can tell her you're excited, but don't you dare you two exclamation points!!
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Hold Your Questions
If you ask every question you're curious about, what exactly are you planning to talk about on the date? Save the details about your favorite color, mother’s maiden name and how erect you may or may not be (in that order) for a later date.
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Make a Simple, Fail-Safe Plan
Not all women are the same, but if she’s attractive, independent, and busy with her career, chances are she’s looking for a fun, easy night.
I work hard all the time so the less work I have to do for the date, the better. If it starts to turn into something where I have to look perfect or it seems like a six-hour event, I may just cancel. Keep it simple, stupid (that's what I always tell myself).
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Don't Try So Hard, Dude
There is no tone in text. Meaning, your attempts to be funny aren't going over because she doesn't know your or sense of humor. Save that for the face-time, too.
Chances are, she won’t know when you’re joking. One edgy joke and now you're a woman-hating racist. Now you're in this room. Bye bye date. If you insist, keep the funny short & non-sexual in nature.
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Zero Varieties of Sexting
Save the sexual advances for after the second, preferably third, date (I suggest not until you’ve at least had a heavy makeout).
Using sexual innuendos when flirting will push away a confident woman quickly. This tells her one of two things: One, you are just taking her out with the expectation of getting something sexual out of it. Or two, you have no idea how to maintain a conversation, let alone flirt.
Anyone can be a dirty perv, and both are immediate reason to cancel a date before it happens.
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Be the Man With a Plan
It’s in our biology to like a man who is confident and decisive. As mentioned, the easier you make this whole scenario, the more inclined I am to follow through. Is it okay to ask what kind of food she likes? Or does she like mini-golf? Of course!
Once you know what part of town she’s in and what she’s into, simply decide, tell her, and set things up. If she doesn't like it but doesn't say anything, it's on her after that (not really, but you can tell yourself that).
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Be Cool: Offer to Pick Her Up (Don't Be Offended When She Declines)
It's not 1967, and this is probably a Prius, not your dad's classic Chevy.
Most women will choose meet you, as they don’t want a potential stalker to have their address. However, chivalry is always appreciated, and it shows that you’re willing to come to her side of town. Big ups!
I’ve canceled dates because the guy wanted me to meet him twenty miles away. If he’s setting the tone that he isn’t even excited enough to pick me up, how is he going to treat me down the road? Put in some effort, boys.
Match your actions to your words. If you're so excited to see us, you won't mind driving a little further, that is, if we don't think you're a stalker and trust you with our permanent address.
Chances are by date two, we've vetted you in every possible human way. So congrats and welcome to the next round!
