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The jig is up for a small group of celebrity parents who bribed their kid’s way into top colleges, as a yearlong FBI sting finally blew the whistle on the operation. Lori Laughlin and Felicity Huffman (the two suspects the press seems to be namedropping left and right) apparently had never heard of the old-fashioned way of getting into college: paying for a new gymnasium. While the dust settles on this salacious scandal (officially charged as mail fraud), we at Mandatory would like to prevent any further college admissions drama by revealing these nine airtight tricks of the trade.
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Admissions Scandal
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Climb onto campus through a window.
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Hire a computer hacker via Craigslist and rewrite the system.
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Learn wizardy, put a spell on the entire staff.
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Blend in with the campus surroundings and stand very, very still.
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Study, work really hard, and get in on your own merit.
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Find a guy with connections inside the school and pay him to work out the details.
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Lower your expectations.
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Kidnap the janitor and assume his identity.
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Abstinence