In every man’s life, there comes a time when you meet the woman you want to be with forever. If not forever, at least the rest of the year. However, after all the getting-to-know-yous and learning how to coexist, there are things you’re forced to learn about yourself. Like how you’re actually polyamorous (aka ethnically non-monogamous). If you’re in a relationship with someone, how do you tell them you still love them, but also want to love other people, too? Here’s our step-by-step guide to courting your partner into an open relationship.
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When you wanted to open your relationship, what did you do? Or are you currently considering ethical non-monogamy? Let us know your experiences in the comments!
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Open Relationship
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Start Slow
You want to find the right opportunity for bringing up opening your relationship. Ease into the subject by asking your partner questions about what they want and how they feel. Be direct. You want to get to the point and ask them how'd they feel about opening the relationship up. Once you do this, give them the floor.
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Be Prepared For Her To Feel Hurt Or Rejected
There's a chance she's going to shut you down. That's OK. She didn't sign up for an open relationship and frankly, neither did you. If what you want is to open things up, you're going to need to let her have her opinions and feelings on the topic. But remember, you cannot force her to change her mind, so you may have to accept that when you're with her, you're only practicing monogamy.
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Gauge Her Reaction
If she doesn't seem entirely turned off by the idea, take things slow. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is the trust to open a relationship. You don't want to be annoying, but you want to be able to bring up the topic again and see if she's willing to at least try it.
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Then Reassure Her That You Love Her
You're telling her that you would like to have sex with other people, but also her. You have to consider that she's going to be wishy-washy. That's fine. If she does agree to try opening things up, don't be the first person to go on a date. Don't think of yourself at all. Instead, encourage her to find her footing and see if she likes ethical non-monogamy.
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Remember She Owes You Nothing
Your best bet at opening the relationship is in allowing her to explore things. So take it seriously and be respectful, curious, and kind to her during this process. If none of this works for you, then maybe you shouldn't be trying to open your relationship. Maybe what you want is to be single. That's OK, too. Working with your partner to establish the rules and boundaries for opening things up is essential to helping both of you trust each other.
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Buckle Up, Romeo
After agreeing on certain rules, prepare yourself. You might be surprised at how many dates she's going to get and how much harder this will be for you, a human man. While affairs are fun secrets (until they blow up and everyone gets hurt), open relationships require a lot of communication with your partner. If you don't like telling the truth, don't bother attempting an open relationship.
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This Isn't About Your Fantasties
Really, it isn't. It's about exploring your connections with other people while being able to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. So if you do happen to end up in a sexual situation where you'll reflect on how awesome it is before you die, be grateful for your super cool partners and for the fact that anyone would have sex with you at all ever.
